Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 21 August 2012
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (83)

Growing Tomatoes

A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

tomatoes and cucumbers

The woman asked the gentlemen,"What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."
Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.
One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"
No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Really funny jokes-Buying Turkey

Alice entered a butcher shop just when it was about to close.
She said to the butcher, "Thank God I made it in time! Do you have any chicken?"
The butcher opened his refrigerator and took out his only chicken, and plops it onto the scale. It weighs three and a half pounds.
"Don't you have anything bigger?" Alice asks.
The butcher returns the chicken to the fridge, takes it out again, and plops it onto the scale, only this time, he keeps his thumb on the chicken. The scale shows four and a half pounds.
"Great!" says Alice. "I'll have both of them please."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Man got Injuried by Air Burst when Stabbing Car Tire

Man got Injuried by Air Burst when Stabbing Car Tire - Crime is no good for you - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

One day, a grandpa and his gra...

One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

One day, a grandpa and his gra...

One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, "When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree." So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. "Of course," added the grandpa, "when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny Photo of the day - WIN!: Teamwork WIN

WIN!: Teamwork WIN - Not only girls go together | Source : This is Photobomb - Photojackers of the World Unite!
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (4)

Dana Gould: Whole Approach to Marriage

My whole approach to marriage is simple: my wife will do something that drives me insane, I wont say anything, and then, later, Ill die of cancer.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.13/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (8)

Signs of Irony...

Maternity Clothes Shop:
We Are Open On Labor Day

Non-smoking area:
If We See You Smoking, We Will Assume You Are On Fire And Take Appropriate Action

On Maternity Room Door:
Push,Push,Push

Optometrist's Office:
If You Don't See What You're Looking For, You've Come To The Right Place

Scientist's Door:
Gone Fission

Taxidermist Window:
We Really Know Our Stuff

Podiatrist's Window:
Time Wounds All Heels

Butcher's Window:
Let Me Meat Your Needs

Car Dealership:
The Best Way To Get Back On Your Feet - Miss a Car Payment

Muffler Shop:
No Appointment Necessary. We'll Hear You Coming

Hotel:
Help! We Need Inn - Experienced People

Veterinarian's Waiting Room:
Be Back In 5 Minutes. Sit! Stay!

Music Teacher's Door:
Out Chopin

At the Electric Company:
We Would Be Delighted If You Send In Your Bill. However, If You Don't, You Will Be.

Garbage Truck:
We've Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got

Computer Store:
Out For a Quick Byte

Restaurant Window:
Don't Stand There and Be Hungry, Come In And Get Fed Up

Bowling Alley:
Please Be Quiet. We Need To Hear A Pin Drop.

Music Library:
Bach In A Minuet

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Calculate the number 306

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 306 using numbers [1, 1, 9, 9, 63, 226] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

dead snake

What is the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyers in the road? There are skid marks in front of the snake.

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (8)

Veterinary Clinic

Glenn took his dog to the veterinary clinic, and laid its limp body on the table. The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the dog's chest for a moment, then shook his head sadly. “I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away.”

“What?” Glenn screamed. “You haven't even done any tests! I want another opinion.”

The vet left the room and returned in a few moments with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever sniffed the dog on the table carefully from head to toe. Finally, the Retriever shook it's head and barked once (meaning “dead and gone”).

The vet took the Labrador away and returned a few minutes later with a cat, which also sniffed carefully over the dog on the table before shaking its head and saying, “Meow” (meaning “he's gone”).

After the cat jumped off the table, the vet handed Glenn a bill for $600. The man shook the bill at the vet. “$600!!!! Just to tell me my dog is dead?!!! That's outrageous!”

The vet explained. “If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan….”

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

There is no chin under Chuck N...

There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 November 2011
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

Converting to the Society of Friends

Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.
Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 August 2010
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (23)

One night, a man on his way...

One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunk, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunk what he was looking for so diligently and the drunk said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunk looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunk exactly where he tripped. "About a half a block up the street," the drunk said. "Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunk, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?" The drunk replied, "The light is a lot better here."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 October 2009
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (45)

Glenn Wool: Uncle Sam

You know who Uncle Sam is, hes that goat-faced dude who dresses like Apollo Creed. Hes always pointing at you. He wants you. Is that really the imagery we should be listening to? An uncle who looks like hes about to touch you? Uncle Sam wants you to keep a secret.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 21 August 2011
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (32)

Walking on Water

A rabbi, priest, and a minister are out fishing in a boat on a big lake when the priest realizes that he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting to disturb the fishing of the others in the boat by having them take him to shore, he gets out of the boat and walks across the water to do his business and then returns to the boat.A little while later the minister has to go also and he does the same. He walks across the water, does his business and returns across the water to the boat.
Finally the rabbi feels the urge to go to the bathroom too, so he climbs out of the boat. But instead of walking across the water, he falls into the water and starts to wildly splash around. The priest and the minister finally drag the rabbi back into the boat and the priest turns to the minister and says, "Maybe we should have told him where the rocks were."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 August 2010
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (30)

What is sex?

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 August 2010
  • Currently 7.30/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (23)

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