Jokes of the day for Saturday, 25 August 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 25 August 2012
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Rating: 9.6/10 (92)

Q: What sits on the botto...

Q: What sits on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A: A nervous wreck!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

Todd Barry: Hearing Aid

Saw a great product advertised -- it was a hearing aid made to look like a Bluetooth headset. Its for people who are embarrassed about wearing a hearing aid but not about wearing a Bluetooth headset.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (24)

Funny video of the day - Toilet prank

Toilet prank - just do your business - link to page video is posted initially.
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Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

A bowl of soup...

Randy, was on a hunting trip up in West Virginia. He became rather cold and thirsty so decided to stop in at his Mother in law's place and ask for something to drink.

When he got there, she said, "You look really cold, how about a bowl of soup."

There was a wee Vietnamese pig running around the kitchen, running up to Randy and giving him a great deal of attention. Randy commented, "That pig sure is friendly."

Bill, his father in law replied, "Arnold's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (4)

Seizure in a Bathtub

Q: What do you do when you find a man in the bath tub having

a seisure?

A: Throw in your laundry.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - Tom Selleck Warm Face Cover

Tom Selleck Warm Face Cover - In case of cold or need to be hansom | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.09/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (23)

Hilarious jokes-Unpaid bills

Rick, a retail merchant sent an order to a manufacturer for 10,000 t-shirts amounting to $ 70000.

The manufacturer, noting that the previous bill hadn't been paid, told the accounts manager to check it. The accounts manager sent an e-mail to Rick saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the previous one."
The next day the accounts manager received a reply from Rick. It said, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
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Veterinary Clinic

Glenn took his dog to the veterinary clinic, and laid its limp body on the table. The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listened to the dog's chest for a moment, then shook his head sadly. “I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away.”

“What?” Glenn screamed. “You haven't even done any tests! I want another opinion.”

The vet left the room and returned in a few moments with a Labrador Retriever. The Retriever sniffed the dog on the table carefully from head to toe. Finally, the Retriever shook it's head and barked once (meaning “dead and gone”).

The vet took the Labrador away and returned a few minutes later with a cat, which also sniffed carefully over the dog on the table before shaking its head and saying, “Meow” (meaning “he's gone”).

After the cat jumped off the table, the vet handed Glenn a bill for $600. The man shook the bill at the vet. “$600!!!! Just to tell me my dog is dead?!!! That's outrageous!”

The vet explained. “If you had taken my word for it, the charge would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan….”

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

Calculate the number 306

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 306 using numbers [1, 1, 9, 9, 63, 226] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

All roads lead to Chuck Norris...

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 24 August 2011
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

Good Question!

And Moses looked upon the Lord and said:
"We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off of our WHAT?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 November 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (28)

A dentist was getting ready to...

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves...

"Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?"

"Well", he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again."

And she didn't laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 October 2009
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Rating: 4.8/10 (53)

Chuck Norris can dribble a foo...

Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 August 2011
  • Currently 2.59/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (39)

Pay for the Food

There was a poor old Irish cobbler whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant.

Every day at lunch time, Mike, the Irish gent, would go out the back of his shop and eat his soda bread and maybe a kipper or piece of Irish blue cheese while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.

One morning, the Irishman was surprised to receive an invoice in the mail from the adjoining restaurant for “enjoyment of food”

Mystified, he marched right over to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought a thing from them.

The manager said, “You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it.” The Irishman refused to pay and the restaurant took him to court.

At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, “Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it.”

The judge turned to Mike and said, “What do you have to say to that?” The old Irishman didn't say a thing but smiled and stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.

The judge asked him, “What is the meaning of that?” The Irishman replied with a mile wide grin, – “I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 August 2011
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Rating: 6.0/10 (31)

Truly amazing st...

Truly amazing stuff!

An Anagram, as you know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever.

Dormitory:   Dirty Room

Evangelist:   Evil's Agent

Desperation:   A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code:   Here Come Dots

Slot Machines:   Cash Lost in 'em

Animosity:   Is No Amity

Mother-in-law:   Woman Hitler

Snooze Alarms:   Alas! No More Z's

Alec Guinness:   Genuine Class

Semolina:   Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries:   Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point:   I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes:   That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two:   Twelve plus one

Contradiction:   Accord not in it

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 August 2008
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (21)

A Memory To Remember!

So this reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere. Coming into the lobby, he is confronted with the strange sight of an old Indian, whittling stick, long black hair, reddish skin, sitting on one of the chairs as if he intends never to get up.

"That's Old Chief Forget-Me-Not," whispers the man behind the desk reverently, "he is allowed to stay here for free because he let me build my hotel on his reservation."

"Why the weird name?" whispers the reporter.

"Old Chief NEVER forgets anything that happened to him since he was two. Now he is 102. Fantastic memory."

Once the reporter has checked in, he decides to check out old Forget-Me-Not.

"Hey Chief!" he calls, "What'd you have for breakfast on the morning of your 21st birthday?"

"Eggs," replies the Chief without even looking up.

The reporter is so amazed, he jumps in his car and drives at least two hours over to where his other reporter friend is staying. Once telling the story over, both reporters jump in the car and drive right back two hours to the hotel, smelling a big scoop.

On the way, the second reporter tells the first: "Why don't you address the Chief more respectfully, so he'll demonstrate to us more?"

Following his friend's advice, the first reporter greets the Chief with a resounding "HOW!!"

"Scrambled," replies the Chief.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 August 2010
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

My Wife Is Missing


The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 August 2011
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (10)

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