Jokes of the day for Friday, 14 September 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 14 September 2012
  • Currently 9.60/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (55)

Really funny jokes-Just a drill!

Nicholas and Brenda had been married long. They had a luxurious fishing boat which they often used together, but it was Nicholas who was always behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen if there was an emergency.
So one day out on the lake, Nicholas suddenly announced to Brenda, "Ok sweetheart, this is an emergency drill. Pretend that I am having a cardiac arrest. You must get the boat safely to shore."
Brenda was initially taken aback, but she soon composed herself and managed to safely drive the boat to shore.
Later that evening, Brenda walked into the living room where Nicholas was watching tv. She sat down next to him, snatched the remote control, switched the channel, and said to him,"OK sweetheart, this is a drill. Pretend I'm having a cardiac arrest. You must set the table, cook dinner, and wash the dishes."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Actual newspaper headlines....

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case

Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Farmer Bill Dies in House

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Stud Tires Out

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Kangoroo feeding time!!

Kangoroo feeding time!! - Hangry? - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Amy Schumer: Vaginas Are Work

Its work having a vagina. Guys dont think that its work but it is. You think it shows up like that to the event? It doesnt. Every night its like getting it ready for its first Quinceanera, believe me.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.27/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (11)

Blind Man

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

Blind Man Crosses Street

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (5)

An annoyingly self-righteous m...

An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up.

He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me."

"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor. "Do you drink much?"

"Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop."

"How about smoking?" asked the doctor.

"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it."

"Well, uh," said the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"

"Oh, no!" said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night, and I always have been."

The doctor paused, looked hard at the man, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?"

"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."

"OK," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!"






#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

Flustered

As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.

One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.

When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others.

Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, “Should I stop the car first?”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.45/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

If you were somehow able to la...

If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 26 July 2011
  • Currently 3.21/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (14)

Pope has email

The Vatican has unveiled a email address for the new Pope.

In related news, the Pope has received a confidential financial offer from the President of Nigeria.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 March 2011
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (23)

Three old men were sitting aro...

Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again."
The 85 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it's still a problem."
Then the 90 year-old said, "That's not my problem. Every morning at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long pee. At around 6:30 am I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7:00 am.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 17 November 2009
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (53)

Chuck Norris once pulled out a...

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 2.70/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (30)

Modern Science

Researchers say they've discovered a tree extract that could

help to prevent herpes...

.. Must be a rubber tree...

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (26)

Shhhh!

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 September 2010
  • Currently 5.48/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (25)

John Mulaney: Benchwarmer Humiliation

I played basketball for five years, and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then theyre just pants.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 September 2011
  • Currently 3.08/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (24)

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