Jokes of the day for Saturday, 22 September 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 9.36/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (66)

Really funny jokes-Final list of things to do in the Library

A final list of things you can do in the LIBRARY..
1. Start telling a VERY strange story, then half way through say, “Never mind.
2. Turn to them and while pointing your fingers at them as if you were electrocuting them, say, “BUZZ!!! BUZZ!!. .
3. Start arguing with yourself. When they ask you who you are talking to, say, “Your just jealous ‘cause the voices are talking to ME!!!?
4. Say, “Who's Freddie??Then act like you didn't say anything.
5. Say, “Argh! My central nervous system in shot! Quick! Give me blue china!!!
6. Introduce your self by saying, “Hi! I'd like a hamburger, and a green South America please.?When they ask what your problem is, say, “Ohh, your not my fairy god mother? I'm sorry, he must have flown into the bookcases. Bye!?and run off.
7. Continuously rub a book while chanting, “Come out, come out. I know you're in there!?When they ask what you're doing, say, “I'm calling the book genie out!?/font>
8. Run up to them with a book, thrust it under their nose and ask, “Will you sign my autograph?!??Make sure you say MY.
9. Get up onto the table, and start acting like a duck. When they ask what you're doing, say happily, “I'm roosting!?
10. Bring a bottle of glue and sniff it while counting down from a very high number. When they ask what you're doing, say, “I'm counting my brain cells!?
11. Stick a ‘kick me?sing on your back, and accuse them of putting it their.
12. Repeat every thing they say to you.
13. Ask them, “Have you ever had an orange juice bath??When they look at you strangely, say, “What??
14. Look up suddenly and yell, “Ohh no!? When they ask you what happened, say, “Nothing.?Then do it again.
15. Stare accusingly at the other person, and when they look at you, say, “Where were you on the night of February 32, 1989?!?
16. Look at one page number, then a different one. They say in astonishment, “Wow! The page numbers are in order! Cool! They guy who came up with that musta been a genius!!
17. Glance over your shoulder every few seconds.
18. Maintain a look of horror constantly, but act normal other wise.
19. Say to him/her, “You have the right to remain silent!?
20. Pat your stomach and say, “Whoa. Human extremities do not settle well.?
21. Get a child's book like “Green Eggs and Ham?and complain that there is no glossary.
22. Find a thesaurus and say in complete astonishment, “Wow! Did you know that ‘affirmative?and ‘yes? mean the same thing??
23. Say, “Omph!?like you were just shot, and while smushing a ketchup pack on your chest, fall on the floor. Then get back up like nothing happened. After that, look at your stomach, and say, “What? How'd this stain get here??while motioning to the ketchup.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 3.84/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (31)

Funny video of the day - EPIC Drunk Fail / Win Compilation September 2012!

EPIC Drunk Fail / Win Compilation September 2012! - Many finny wins/fails of drunk people - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Dad's Surprise Visit

A father, passing through his son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to his boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window.

"Whattya want?" the voice asked.

"Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father.

Window

"Yeah!" replied the voice: "Dump him on the front porch and we'll take care of him in the morning."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Jesus can walk on water, but C...

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Todd Barry: Italian Food

I know a lot of people wont eat Italian food at a restaurant. They always say the same thing, Im not going to spend $10 for a dollars worth of pasta. Plus no one makes Italian food like my grandmother. Well you do spend a little extra for Italian food at a restaurant but for that extra $9 you get a heaping side order of not hanging out with your grandmother.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.23/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (13)

Train Accident

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Well... The bad news first... Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them. Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?

Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

Calculate 876+876-876

If 123+741-900=2196 and 900+144-876=6569 then 876+876-876=?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The confession...

Henry goes to confession and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Last night I was with seven different women."

The priest says, "Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass and drink the juice without pausing."

"Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?"

"No," replies the priest. "But it'll wipe that silly grin off your face."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

An Irishman is walking along t...

An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes."
The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout."
POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magicaly filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?"
The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 November 2009
  • Currently 5.32/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (50)

Angry Witch

Q. What do you call an angry Witch?
A. Ribbit

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 February 2009
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (30)

Watching the game

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom.

When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

'What are you doing?' she exclaimed.

The daughter replied, 'I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband.'

Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

'What are you doing?' he exclaimed.

The daughter replied, 'I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband.'

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

She asked, 'What are you doing?'

He replied, 'Watching the game with my son-in-law.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 September 2011
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (34)

Bowlegged

Why are cowgirls always bowlegged?

Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 September 2008
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (28)

Did you hear about the dumb at...

Did you hear about the dumb athlete who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 September 2008
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (14)

Jeff Dunham: Tattoos as Cover-up

Jeff Dunham: Did you get the tattoo?
Walter: Hell no.
Jeff Dunham: Well if you had, what would you have gotten?
Walter: I would have gotten a beautiful womans face.
Jeff Dunham: Ah, and where would you have put it?
Walter: On my wifes face.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 September 2011
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (14)

Since 1940, the year Chuck Nor...

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 September 2011
  • Currently 3.69/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (13)

PREVIOUS DAY
NEXT DAY
Follow jokes of the day on social networks
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.

Jokes Archive