Jokes of the day for Monday, 24 September 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 24 September 2012
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (61)

9 Months Later

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered he door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (6)

A man is recovering from surge...

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"Oops!"
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Pig rescues baby goat

Pig rescues baby goat - Pig saves goat whos foot was stuck underwater at petting zoo. Simply amazing. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Edward Hale, while chaplain of...

Edward Hale, while chaplain of the U.S. Senate, was asked, "Do you pray for the senators?"
He quickly replied, "No. After getting to know the senators, I pray for the people."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Jared Logan: Tried to Compromise

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We just didnt have anything in common. But when that happens, you have to try to compromise. I tried to compromise with her. I remember one time I was like, Look, if you go with me to my Lord of the Rings fan fiction meet up group, Ill go with you to this ultrasound thing.
#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.90/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - Wineglass Shaped Light

Wineglass Shaped Light - Awsome | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

Quick thinking...

One day, Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of beers. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick 'em on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?"

"No sir," replied Earl. "We're on the patch!"

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Short funny jokes-Handsome face

After accepting an invitation to dance with a rather prematurely balding man, Kate, 25 years of age, wanted to lighten the mood and said, "Well, God was good to you, gave you a handsome face and room for another one."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Calculate the number 8963

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 8963 using numbers [2, 5, 9, 2, 18, 812] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (34)

A woman goes into Wal-Mart...

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "Thats amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound Of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her..being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the stink bait is$2.50."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 30 June 2012
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (10)

Chuck Norris' lucky number is ...

Chuck Norris' lucky number is one, because that's how many tries it takes him to accomplish any task.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 November 2011
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

Buddhists and the Blues

Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Chiyo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 December 2009
  • Currently 3.38/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (13)

Dating a Nun

Did you hear about the guy who tried to date a nun?
He wanted to take her to the county fair, but she declined on account of she had taken a vow abstaining from Carnival pleasures.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member BeerLover

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 September 2009
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (34)

Sticks and stones may break yo...

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquify your kidneys.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 September 2011
  • Currently 3.10/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (30)

Best room in the hotel?

The drunk staggered up to the hotel reception and demanded his room be changed.

"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."

"I insist on another room!!" said the drunk.

"Very good, sir. I`ll change you from 502 to 555. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.

"Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 September 2010
  • Currently 5.03/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (29)

Jeff Dunham: Unimpressive Superheroes

Jeff Dunham: I like Aquaman. He can breathe underwater and talk to fish.
Melvin: Yeah, great. He has all the same powers as Spongebob.
Jeff Dunham: How about the Hulk?
Melvin: Why do you like the Hulk?
Jeff Dunham: Well, the angrier he gets, the stronger he gets.
Melvin: Yeah, like every white-trash guy on Cops.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 September 2011
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (15)

Get Your Ire Up

Three Englishmen were getting soused in a pub, when they spotted an Irishman sitting off in the corner. To have a little fun, one of them approached him.

"Did y'know that St. Patrick was a sissy?"

"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."

The man returned to his friends, complaining that it hadn't worked. The second decided to try.

"Did y'know that St. Patrick was a transvestite?"

"Oh, no, I dinnae know that. Thank ye."

The second man returned to his friends, amazed that it hadn't worked. The third man knew he had the solution.

"Did y'know that St. Patrick was an Englishman?"

"Oh, no. But that's what y'r friends hae been trying to tell me."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 September 2011
  • Currently 3.43/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (14)

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