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Jokes of the day for Friday, 19 October 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 19 October 2012

Good jokes-The borrowing neighbour

Every time, Peter, the man next door headed toward Paul's house, Paul knew he was coming to borrow something, he was always doing so and it was driving him nuts.
"Peter won't get away with it this time," muttered Paul to Liz, his wife, "Watch this."
"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your hedge trimmer this morning?" asked Paul the neighbour.
"Crikey, I'm terribly sorry," said Paul with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."
"In that case," smiled Peter, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
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Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Stupid.....But funny...
<...

Stupid.....But funny...


Subject: Funnies
Things to make you stop and think

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
thedriveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.


#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

SLIDESHOW #68 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Why Karaoke is better than sex...

- With Karaoke, you're always sure you can find someone worse than you are.

- You don't feel obligated to buy someone dinner for singing Karaoke with you.

- When you sing Karaoke, it's OK to have multiple partners.

- It's OK to sing Karaoke with your sister.

- With Karaoke, you never have to be sorry about forgetting your lines.

- It's OK to drink too much and sing Karaoke.

- With Karaoke, no one will complain about the size of your microphone.

- It's OK to sing Karaoke in front of your neighbors.

- You'll never feel uncomfortable knowing your parents still sing Karaoke.

- No one complains about a 3-minute Karaoke performance.

#joke
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny video of the day - Le Zap de Spi0n no138

Le Zap de Spi0n no138 - Funny Le Zap compilation - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Lab mice

Why are they having so much trouble finding a cure for AIDS?

The scientists can't get the little mice to butt fuck.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by calamjo

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.23/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (13)

Funny Photo of the day - Bad dressing

Bad dressing - or just halloween costume? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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Reward

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping.

It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented: "Hmmm... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are 20 $1 bills."

The boy quickly replied: "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

hand bag

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...

#joke
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Who takes care of the farm ...

Q. Who takes care of the farm when the farmer is sick?
A. The pharmacist!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.30/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (10)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he...

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 November 2011
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (41)

A college student picked up hi...

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,
"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 December 2009
  • Currently 4.59/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (71)

Kissing a Nun

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see if you qualify. #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a costume party."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member socaliflady

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 11 September 2009
  • Currently 6.87/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (68)

Good news...bad news...

"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client.

"First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."

"Oh, no - I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 October 2011
  • Currently 6.42/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (36)

Afraid of the Dark

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."

The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 October 2010
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (35)

Jim Gaffigan: The Book vs. the Movie

You ever talk about a movie with someone that read the book? Theyre always so condescending. Ah, the book was much better than the movie. Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie: no reading.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 October 2010
  • Currently 5.53/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (34)

Answering Machine Message 43


Militaristic mechanical voice: FOXTROT-LIMA-ALPHA-SIERRA-HOTEL. KEY-DESTRUCT-SEQUENCE-NOW. THIS-TERMINAL-ALSO-ACCEPTS-VOICE-MESSAGES.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 October 2011
  • Currently 4.21/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (14)

There are TWO distinctly...

There are TWO distinctly different holes up there. Not one all-purpose hole.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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