Jokes of the day for Monday, 12 November 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 12 November 2012
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (44)

Beautiful Daughter

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.
He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"
The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.94/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (34)

Adult jokes-S*x during pregnancy

A man whose wife was pregnant, went to a doctor to ask whether he could have s*x with his wife.

The doctor replied, "Yes. For the first 3 months, you can do it like normal, for the next 3 months you can do it like a dog, and in last 3 months, you will have to do it like tiger"

The man reacts "Tiger? How does a tiger do it?"

The doctor replies "Like Tiger Woods, sleep with other women."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 1 November 2012

Best Fails of the Week 1 November 2012 - Many funny FAILS fron Movember 2012 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (5)

Little Johnny watched, fascina...

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (5)

Little Johnny watched, fascina...

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Funny Photo of the day - Who needs a backpack

Who needs a backpack - when you have a hair like this | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (2)

Bribe...

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.

"So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.

"You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Blonde With Top Down

There were two blondes the just came out of the mall. As they walked through the parking lot, they remembered that they had left the keys in the car.

Realizing that they were locked out, the blondes got a hanger and tried to open the door. Hard at work, the first blonde stopped to catch her breath.

The other blonde got worried as she looked up a the sky and said, "We've got to hurry up and get in before it starts to rain. I don't want to get the seats wet because the top is down!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (5, 6, 13, 22, 23, 24, 25, 30, 32, 50, 99) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Lincoln Booty Call... Debate

Look, we can debate this all night...

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (14)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (36)

If Chuck Norris gave a mouse a...

If Chuck Norris gave a mouse a cookie, it would probably ask for some milk. Then Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick that ungrateful little rodent so hard, it would lose it's appetite for cookies. Permanently.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 23 June 2011
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (50)

My Super Ex-Wife

My ex-wife and I could not reconcile our marriage because of religious differences.
She thought she was God.
I disagreed.
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member mytmouse57

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 13 September 2010
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

A lawyer walks into a bar and ...

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.

"Well," said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."

"Let me have it," said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. "Yes," he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but i don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"

"From my nose," the drunk replied.

#joke #lawyer #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 October 2009
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (59)

A local business was looking f...

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.
By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 November 2009
  • Currently 6.48/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (52)

The Hot Shot

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ""Can I help you?""
The man said, ""Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 November 2011
  • Currently 6.10/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (31)

How You Earned It


A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 November 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (26)

Denis Leary: Laptops May Lead to Impotence

Laptops may lead to impotence. Yay. Im buying my daughters boyfriend an Apple MacBook first thing tomorrow morning.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 November 2011
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (25)

Watching For Suicide


Why do they put a suicide watch on death row prisoners? Why would you care if a man you're planning to kill anyway, kills himself? Does it spoil the fun?
I also think about the death row prisoner in Texas who, on the day before his execution, managed to take a drug overdose. They rushed him to a hospital, saved his life, then brought him back to prison and killed him.
Apparently, just to anger him.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 12 November 2011
  • Currently 4.73/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (11)

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