Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 20 November 2012

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 20 November 2012
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Rating: 9.6/10 (61)

Happy Thanksgiving Check out our latest Thanksgiving jokes and quotes on: Thanksgiving jokes collection

Lost

A drunk man was walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth.

A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?”

The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.”

The police officer said, “Sir, do you know your zipper is down?”

Keys. [Day 070/365]

The drunk replied, “Damn, I lost my wife too!”

#joke #policeman
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny jokes-Surprised in Hell

My 10-year old son asked me, "There are so many people in the world. When they die, is Heaven is going to fill up?"
I replied, "No, that's most unlikely. The number of people who will actually go there is much smaller than those who think they'll go there. Hell is full of people who are incredibly surprised."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Fail/Win Compilation Of November 2012

Fail/Win Compilation Of November 2012 - Many funn WIN and FAIL situations in compilation - link to page video is posted initially.
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Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

A wise old gentleman retired a...

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.

"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the old man enjoyed peace.
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

A wise old gentleman retired a...

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.

"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the old man enjoyed peace.
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - Baby boxer

Baby boxer - Takes over all the milk | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (4)

Superbowl Tickets

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company.

Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no.

Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?"

The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Was it good?

After making love, I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?"

She said "I don't think this was good for anybody!"

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Calculate the number 205

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 205 using numbers [6, 9, 1, 5, 19, 156] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Old Ladies and the Flasher

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a flasher comes by and opens his trench coat right in front of them.
The first old lady has a stroke, the second old lady has a stroke, but the third old lady can't reach that far.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (36)

Family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, “It's Adam's Suit!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 22 September 2012
  • Currently 4.69/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (36)

Scientists have estimated that...

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 April 2011
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"Don't make me come down there!" --GOD

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 17 June 2010
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (6)

Q. Why are married women heavi...

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?

A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 29 October 2009
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (68)

There was a beautiful young bl...

There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked, "Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 November 2009
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (46)

Chuck Norris played Russian Ro...

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 20 November 2011
  • Currently 3.30/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (33)

Hindu Happy Birthday

Q: What does a Hindu wish someone on their birthday?
A: May you have many happy returns.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 20 November 2009
  • Currently 3.90/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (21)

A guy walks into a clinic to h...

A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken.

The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood.

She can't find it so she looks innocently at the guy and takes his finger and sucks it.

The guy is so pleased he asks; "Do you think i could have a urine test done?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 20 November 2008
  • Currently 4.43/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (14)

Iliza Shlesinger: Hair Too Long

Ladies, just know that when you grow your hair too long, you got about two inches difference between really hot, sexy supermodel -- religious fanatic. Hot Maxim cover girl everybody wants a mouth kiss -- unhealthy faith in your lord. Soft, silky, shiny hair everyone wants to touch -- one of 12 brides.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 20 November 2010
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Rating: 4.3/10 (10)

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