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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 13 January 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 13 January 2013

The Shredder

A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."
"Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.

shredder

"Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy."

#joke
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

You might be a Schoolteacher if

You might be a Schoolteacher if...

you have no time for a life from August to June.

you want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8 to 3 and have your summers free!"

when out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.

you refer to adults as "boys and girls."

you encourage your spouse by telling them they are a "good helper."

you've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.

meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

you believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.

you know hundred good reasons for being late.

you don't want children of your own because there isn't a name you can hear that wouldn't elevate your blood pressure.



#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

SLIDESHOW #3 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A Day on the Bus

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said:"That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me." she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

You're right." She said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea." the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

#joke
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Bikini Model Beach Workout FAIL

Bikini Model Beach Workout FAIL - Just wait and laugh! Maybe working out in the gym would be more efficient... - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (4)

What does a blonde o

Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Okie tree house

Okie tree house - Tree house, grown up version | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Dinosaur St.

Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

It was the chicken's day off.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

An idiot decided to start a ch...

An idiot decided to start a chicken farm, so he bought a hundred chickens to start. A month later, he returned to the dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at the dealers for another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died. "But I think I know where I'm going wrong," said the idiot. "I think I am planting them too deep."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (4)

Man-guage

A guide to man language

“I'M GOING FISHING” Means: “I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“IT'S A GUY THING” Means: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?” Means: “Why isn't dinner already on the table?”

“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR…” Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN” Means: “I have no idea how it works.”

“I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND.” Means: “I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.”

“TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD.” Means: “I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

“THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR.” Means: “Are you still talking?”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.” Means: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.” Means: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

“OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.” Means: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt.”

“HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING.” Means: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon.”

“I CAN'T FIND IT.” Means: “It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?” Means: “What did you catch me at?”

“I HEARD YOU.” Means: “I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE” Means: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.” Means: “”Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving.”

“I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.” Means: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke Diary - Really Funny Jokes Daily
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (9)

Someone once tried to tell Chu...

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 December 2011
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (13)

A college student picked up hi...

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works. Finally he asked her,
"Does your Mother feed you like this at home?"
"No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 22 December 2009
  • Currently 4.59/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (71)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to the garage make you a car?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 28 September 2009
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (4)

Chuck Norris' belly button is ...

Chuck Norris' belly button is actually a power outlet.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (46)

Rickey Smiley: White Church

I joined a white church because white people get out on time.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (33)

You might be a redneck if 57

You might be a reneck if...

You live close enough to town to get garbage service, but don't use it because they won't come down your driveway to get it.

The fellows on the big garbage moving equipment recoginze your wife.... and wave to her.

Your wife picks thru your garbage cans looking for any bait that may have grown in them since the last time you went.

You have ever removed the 3-9 zoom scope from your deer rifle to use at a KISS concert.

You have more than 2 used pampers rolling around in the back of your truck.

When you put your hunting boots on you only get them on the right feet 50% of the time.

Your idea of a neighborhood watch program is tuning into "America's Most Wanted".

You own more than two clappers.

You go to Wal-Mart to people watch.

You recycle enough Copenhagen lids to buy Christmas presents.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 January 2012
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (30)

People are ignoring me

A patient walks into a doctor's office.

Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

Doctor: Next!

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 January 2011
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (25)

Mimes

Whats black and white and red all over? Mimes in a chainsaw fight.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 January 2010
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (16)

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