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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 27 January 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 27 January 2013

College Dorm Rules

On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
One student raised his hand and asked, "How much for a season pass?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (9)

Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door..
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

Vacuum Cleaner

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.."

#joke
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #19 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Short funny jokes-Raw cookie dough

The USFDA (U.S. Food and Drug Administration warned people not to eat raw cookie dough last Christmas. Is that how fat we're getting in this country? Our ovens are too slow now?

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Utah Winter Freezing Rain

Utah Winter Freezing Rain - Utah winter finally redeemed itself this morning. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.25/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (4)

Contemporary art

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye.

"What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?"

He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child."

"Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?"

#joke
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny Photo of the day - Enter the train - EPIC dance style

Enter the train - EPIC dance style - Dancing in subway - always FUN | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 2.67/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (3)

Priest and Rabbi...

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

After sitting down, ordering, and chitchat the Priest says "Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?"

He then realizes the truth "I think we're in a gay bar."

A man approaches and is trying to flirt with the priest.

The priest is dumbfounded, and doesn't know what to do.

The Rabbi leans over and whispers something in the mans ear.

The man walks off.

The Priest says "Thanks, but what did you tell him."

The Rabbi replies "I just told him we're on our honeymoon."

#joke
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

Playing Golf with God

Three men were playing golf. The course was a wicked dogleg with a large water hazard.
The first man stepped up to the tee and hit a sharp slice into the water hazard. He walked up to the water; it parted and he lofted his ball within one foot of the hole.
The next man steped up and hit the ball. Sure enough, he sliced it so that it landed on top of the water. He walked across the surface of the water and and hit the ball within six inches of the hole.The third man stepped up, hit the ball, and sliced it. The ball was just about to land in the water when a trout jumped out of the water and grabbed it in his mouth. An eagle swooped down, scooped up the fish, and flew off. As the eagle banked over the green, lightning struck it, it dropped the fish, the fish dropped the ball, and it landed in the hole for a hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, "I really hate playing golf with your Dad."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 October 2011
  • Currently 7.02/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (42)

Chuck Norris once ordered a st...

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 August 2011
  • Currently 2.68/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (56)

There once was a "smart guy," ...

There once was a "smart guy," a "not that smart guy," and an all round "not smart at all guy." They were going to cross the Sahara Desert. The "smart guy" says, "meet here in an hour with something useful to cross the desert with!" Later on an hour passes. The "smart guy" says I brought some ice packs to keep our heads cool, the "not so smart guy" says I brought a pail of water to keep us hydrated. The "not smart at all guy" says, "I brought a car door so I can roll the window down when it gets hot!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 April 2011
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (7)

Fighting Irish Humor


McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It's to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains.
When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. "Miss," he said,
"I'm meetin' me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?"
Shamrock
Kelly was standing in front of Cohan's Tavern when he saw a driverless car rolling slowly down the street. He ran to the car, jumped in, and pulled on the emergency brake with a jerk.
Kelly got out and very proudly said to the man approaching him, "I stopped it!"
"I know, you idiot!" said the man. "I was pushing it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 11 May 2010
  • Currently 4.58/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (12)

A magician was working on a cr...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ?
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 7.01/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (72)

Patton Oswalt: The Apocalypse

Were probably going to die in the f**king apocalypse, but you know whats kind of exciting about that is that if the apocalypse actually goes down -- and I mean the f**king biblical apocalypse -- and if that starts to happen -- I mean, like, the ground opening up and demons flying out and gnawing on your flesh -- it means a couple of things. One: It means that Im wrong, and there is God and there is an afterlife. Two: It means that since there is an afterlife, you will be in the f**king VIP section of the afterlife.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 27 January 2011
  • Currently 2.06/10

Rating: 2.1/10 (47)

Bum Deodorant

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bum deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container,
"To apply, push up bottom."
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 January 2010
  • Currently 6.55/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (38)

A male pastor walked into a ne...

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom.

The place was hopping with music and dancing, until people saw the pastor.

As the room quieted down he walked up to the redhead bartender, and asked her,

"May I please use the restroom?"

The redhead replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not?" the pastor asked. "I really need to use a restroom!"

"Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked woman in there and she's only covered by a fig leaf!"

"Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll look the other way!"

So, the bartender showed the clergyman the door at the top of the stairs, and he proceeded to the restroom.

After a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again!

He went to the bartender and said, "Miss, I, don't understand. When I came in here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then the room became absolutely quiet. I went to the restroom, and now the place is hopping again."

"Well, now you're one of us!" said the redhead. "Would you like a drink too?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled pastor.

"You see," laughed the redhead, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about that drink?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 27 January 2010
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (13)

James Cameron wanted Chuck Nor...

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 27 January 2012
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (13)

Peanut Butter Rooster

Q: What do you get when you cross a rooster with a jar of peanut butter?

A: A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.58/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (52)

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