Jokes of the day for Monday, 18 February 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 18 February 2013
  • Currently 9.60/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (67)

Avoiding the crowds...

It was Christmas Eve and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"What?!? That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," he replied.

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (9)

“When I found out tha...

“When I found out that the fire department was charging $75.00 per table for their craft fair I told them they could go to blazes.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Funny video of the day - Meanwhile in Pakistan

Meanwhile in Pakistan - Stunt tricks - cheap edition - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (4)

Lost Rooster

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?" - all the men stood up.
"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" - all the women stood up.
"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." - half the women stood up.

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" - all the nuns stood up.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.79/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (29)

Short Management jokes

* The first myth of management is that it exists.
* Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
* Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File".
* We are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet.
* Management by objectives is no better than the objectives.
* "I've given you an unlimited budget, and you have already exceeded it!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Funny Photo of the day - Public toilet

Public toilet - Public it is | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Teacher: Why do we sometimes c...

Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?

Peter: Because they had so many knights.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Teacher: Why do we sometimes ...

Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Peter: Because they had so many knights.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

What is hidden in the photo?

What is hidden in the photo?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Where Is This Bus Going?


A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

Hold that thought

Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

A: Trying to hold onto a thought.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 January 2012
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (21)

In a fight between Batman and ...

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 December 2011
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (26)

A man walking down the street ...

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 February 2011
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (21)

Brian Regan: One Eye Set Higher

My eye doctor told me this, Im not making this up. He goes, You know you have one eye set a little bit higher than your other eye? No, I didnt know that. He goes, Its no big deal; it doesnt affect your vision or anything. I just thought you might want to be self-conscious for the rest of your life.
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 February 2012
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (20)

The Last One's Law Of Program ...

The Last One's Law Of Program Generators: A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than the program generator.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 February 2009
  • Currently 4.81/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (16)

Ever Slept with an U

One guy asks the other, "Hey, have you ever gone to bed with an ugly woman?"

The second guy says, "No, but I've woken up with plenty."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 February 2010
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (12)

"An elementary school in ...

"An elementary school in Santa Monica is banning tag from the playground. They're afraid that the game could affect children's self esteem. This also could prevent the spread of 'kooties'."
--Jay Leno
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 February 2010
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (12)

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