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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 21 February 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 21 February 2013
  • Currently 9.48/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (52)

“He frequently practi...

“He frequently practices furtive looks to operate at peek efficiency.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (2)

Cotton Candy

So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn.

He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible.

The man walks up to the boy and says "You know son, it's really not healthy to eat all that candy."

The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old."

The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own fucking business."

#joke
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (43)

Funny video of the day - Crows Playing on Snow-Covered Cars

Crows Playing on Snow-Covered Cars - Couple of crows having fun rolling down snow-covered cars in the city of Saratov, Russia. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Elementary, my dear Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Chronologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Some bastard has stolen our tent."

#joke
  • Currently 7.11/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (9)

Ploughing The Land


A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.51/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (35)

Funny Photo of the day - How to hold beer bottle properly

How to hold beer bottle properly - No hands allowed! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (2)

Clean jokes-Get better

Harry, after his retirement volunteered to entertain patients in hospitals. He would go from one hospital to another in the city and always carried his guitar with him. He would crack jokes and would sing some funny songs at patients' bedsides.

When he finished at one such hospital, he said to an old man, "I hope you get better."

The elderly gentleman quickly replied, "I hope you get better, too."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

The 12-Step Program for Intern...

The 12-Step Program for Internet Addicts

1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I use to.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash the dog, get the kids off to school, all before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear what is happening on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on my computer.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed some time....and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

FLEX NERDLE

FLEX NERDLE Guess the NERDLE in 6 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

Chuck Norris can speak braille...

Chuck Norris can speak braille.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 May 2012
  • Currently 3.87/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (47)

Pottery making

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 April 2010
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (9)

Rabbi in the Catholic Hospital

Rabbi Levy had to spend time in a Catholic hospital. He became friends with the Sister who was a nurse there. One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She asked him good-naturedly, "Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?"
"Oh, sister," chuckled Rabbi Levy, "I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 22 May 2009
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (40)

Duct Tape

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible" says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)

"I kicked her in the face."

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 February 2011
  • Currently 6.59/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (41)

Jody and Sara live in the swam...

Jody and Sara live in the swamps of Louisiana.
One day Sara came up missing.

It took three days for all of the locals and the sheriff to find Sara. The sheriff says to Jody, "I have bad news and I have good news about Sara."

"What is the bad news", asks Jody?

"We found Sara face down in the swamp, she's dead."

"Well what kind of good news can there be", ask Jody?

The Sheriff responded, "We got 24 blue crab off her, we decided to leave for another 3 days and run her again."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 February 2011
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (39)

Another wife?

At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child.

"Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.'

"But think about that for a second. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'?"

One of the women spoke up right away, "Does she cook?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 February 2009
  • Currently 6.40/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (30)

A woman calls a nother women a...

A woman calls a nother women and asks what the dress code is. I the women on the on the other side of the phone replies very confidential!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 February 2009
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (14)

Michael Showalter: Comedy for the First Time

Doing comedy for the first time for me was very similar to losing my virginity. It was awkward, uncomfortable, but I did get a lot of laughs.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 21 February 2012
  • Currently 5.08/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (13)

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