Jokes of the day for Friday, 22 February 2013
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 22 February 2013 |
Really funny jokes-Mix up
When she arrived, Sam was still in a meeting so she introduced herself to the receptionist and asked for the number of Mr Wilson's room.
She was duly given the number and the key and she took the lift to the 3rd floor. Sara wanted to freshen up and be ready for Sam when he arrived back. She unpacked, popped her nightie under the bed covers, showered and got ready for the evening.
Time passed and Sara became concerned that he hadn't arrived back and she was worried as to whether they would make the dinner on time. By 8 pm she rang reception to ask if Sam was in the bar; she was told that he had gone to his room some 2 hours earlier.
“What room?” spluttered Sara to the receptionist.
“Room 205, on the second floor”, answered the girl politely.
“But I'm in room 409,” exploded Sara in consternation.
“Oh dear,” said the receptionist,"That must be another Mr Wilson's room!”
Sara grabbed her belonging and dashed down to room 205. She forgot, of course, to remove her nightie. What a surprise for Mr Wilson (and Mrs Wilson!) on returning to the room.
“I missed my miniatur...
“I missed my miniature Indian musical instrument practice last night. I couldn't find a baby sitar.”
Grandma!
A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE".
He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Granny, YOU wear the same size as our bed!"
Funny video of the day - Bottoms Up Beer Dispenser
Scary Collection 13
A Halloween joke
Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing?
Because they're crab apples!
A vampire joke
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound!
A ghost joke
What keeps ghouls happy?
The knowledge that every shroud has a silver lining!
A demon joke
What do you call a demon who slurps his food?
A goblin!
A ghost joke
What do you have to take to become a coroner?
A stiff exam!
A cannibal joke
What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
Pickled organs!
A cannibal joke
What did the cannibal say when he was full?
''I couldn't eat another mortal!''
Cross the Road... Turkey
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: Because he wasn't a chicken.
Cotton Candy
So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn.
He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible.
The man walks up to the boy and says "You know son, it's really not healthy to eat all that candy."
The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old."
The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own fucking business."
Why did President Truman drop ...
Why did President Truman drop the first atomic bomb? Because he thought it would be more humane than sending in Chuck Norris.A Very Special Cow
Q. Have you heard of the dyslexic cow who attained enlightenment?
A. It kept on repeating OOOOMMM!
Three Nurses Tricks
Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor.The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear.
The second nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms.
The third nurse fainted.
Pupil: Please Miss, would you...
Pupil: Please Miss, would you punish someone for something they didn't do? Teacher: No, Of course not!!
Pupil: Oh good, Because i haven't done my homework!!!
A woman was out golfing one da...
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."
The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes - that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"
The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warrned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."
The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you."
The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."
So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."
Entrance Exam
A Christian, a Muslim and a Buddhist die and arrive at the Gate of Heaven. An angel (or deva) stops them and asks, "Why do you come here? Can you tell me the reasons why you are allowed to enter Heaven?"
The Christian replies, "My ancestors disobeyed God, and I sinned all my life: I killed, I lied, I cheated my wife and I was greedy. However, Jesus died for me and all my sins are forgiven. So I deserve to enter Heaven."
"OK," replies the Angel. "Sounds good, but I must give you an entrance examination before you can enter." The Christian promptly agrees and the Angel asks him: "How do you spell God?" It is an easy question, and the Christian passes through the Gate.
Next came the Muslim, who says, "I did not do any especially good or evil things during my life but I was very devout. I prayed to God five times a day. So, I too should enter Heaven." The Angel replies, "It sounds OK to me, but I have to give you a test also. How do you spell Allah?" The Muslim passes the test and enters Heaven.
Finally, it is the Buddhist's turn. He tells the Angel, "I've done all the good things in my life and I followed Buddha's five precepts: I never killed, I donated to charities, I meditated every day, and I never cheated my boss nor my customers." The Angel replies, "That is very good, but there are no exceptions. You must pass the entrance test also in order to get in." Thinking that the test should be simple, the Buddhist happily agrees.
The Angel then asks him: "How do you spell Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva?"
Really funny jokes-Museum of Natural History
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard,“Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?”The guard replies, “They are three million, four years, and six months old.”
“That's an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know their age so precisely?”
The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago!”
Church Etiquette
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service,“And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”
Where there's a will ...
Where there's a will – there's a relative!
Ricky Gervais (June 25 1961-)
Picture: Getty