Jokes of the day for Saturday, 23 February 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 23 February 2013
  • Currently 9.64/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (70)

Die with boots on

Did you hear about Rex, the cowboy who died with his boots on?

He kept them on because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

Two dumb fishermen...

Two fishermen, Paul and Jim, decided to rent a boat on a lake for their favorite sport. After fishing for 4 hours at various places around the lake with no luck at all they decided to try one more spot before calling it quits. Suddenly things started to happen and they caught their limit inside of twenty minutes.

Paul said, Hey we should mark this spot, so next time we will know where to come,

Jim says good idea, and he took out a can of spray paint and made a large X on the floor of the boat to mark the spot.

With that Paul says, why did you do that, now anyone who rents this boat will know where to fish.

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 3 February 2013

Best Fails of the Week 3 February 2013 - Funny fails, latest compilation from FAIL army - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.80/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (5)

Washington Crazy Law


  • It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
  • All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle.
  • People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
  • You cannot buy meat of any kind on Sunday.
  • All lollipops are banned.
  • You are breaking the law if you sell or place in the stream of commerce a crib that has: corner posts that extend more than 1/16-inch above end panels; slats more than 2 3/8 inches apart; a mattress support that releases easily from corner posts; cutout designs on the end panels; tears in mesh or fabric; missing or loose screws, bolts, or hardware; sharp edges, points, or rough surfaces on wood surfaces that are not smooth and free from splinters, splits or cracks. The new Infant Crib Safety Act in California (AB 3760, Speier), Colorado (SB 98-023,Pascoe and Morrison) and Washington State (SSB 6229, Kohl and Pennington) states that "no commercial user shall manufacture, retrofit, sell, contract to sell or resell, lease, sublet or otherwise place in the stream of commerce, a full-size or non-full-size crib that is unsafe for any infant using the crib.
  • It is illegal to pretend that one's parents are rich.
  • You are not allowed to breast feed in public.
  • When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.
  • A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."

    Auburn


  • Men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail.

    Bremerton


  • You may not shuck peanuts on the street.

    Everett


  • It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window.

    Lynden


  • Dancing and drinking may not occur at the same establishment.

    Seattle


  • You may not carry a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
  • Women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term.
  • No one may set fire to another person's property without prior permission.
  • It is illegal to carry a fishbowl or aquarium onto a bus because the sound of the water sloshing may disturb other passengers.

    Spokane


  • TV's may not be bought on Sundays.

    Waldron Island


  • No structure shall contain more than two toilets that use potable water for flushing. -San Juan County Ordinance NO. 7 -1995 (Passed June 7,1995)

    Wilbur


  • You may not ride an ugly horse.

    #joke
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 3.00/10

    Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

    scarf

    Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store?

    It was too tight

    #joke #short #blonde
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
    • Currently 3.93/10

    Rating: 3.9/10 (27)

    Funny Photo of the day - Nunchaku door chain lock

    Nunchaku door chain lock - Bruce Lee approved | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
    • Currently 6.80/10

    Rating: 6.8/10 (10)

    Graveyard Salon

    Q: What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard?
    A: "Curl Up and Dye."

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
    • Currently 4.60/10

    Rating: 4.6/10 (5)

    “I missed my miniatur...

    “I missed my miniature Indian musical instrument practice last night. I couldn't find a baby sitar.”

    #joke #short
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
    • Currently 3.00/10

    Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

    What a winning combination?

    The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
    CHECK ANSWER
    Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

    Cotton Candy

    So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn.

    He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible.

    The man walks up to the boy and says "You know son, it's really not healthy to eat all that candy."

    The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old."

    The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own fucking business."

    #joke
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
    • Currently 4.75/10

    Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

    Chuck Norris sleeps with a pil...

    Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
    #joke #short #chucknorris
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 May 2011
    • Currently 2.83/10

    Rating: 2.8/10 (35)

    Buddhists and the Blues

    Q: Why are there so few Buddhist rhythm and blues bands?
    A: Because Buddhists don't have any soul.
    - Joke shared by Beliefnet member Chiyo

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 December 2009
    • Currently 3.21/10

    Rating: 3.2/10 (14)

    Whitney Cummings: Problem With Vampires

    The problem with vampires is they look like theyre 20, but theyre actually 100 years old. So youll be dating this hot, young guy who grew up in the Great Depression and hates Irish people. And then you take him out to a nightclub, and hes doing the Charleston. Or you think hes cheating on you, so you go through his journal. Youre like, Who the hell is this slut? Harriet Tubman? Who the f**k is that?
    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 23 February 2012
    • Currently 3.88/10

    Rating: 3.9/10 (48)

    Sex and athletics....

    It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities.

    In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 February 2009
    • Currently 4.57/10

    Rating: 4.6/10 (35)

    Pete Holmes: Employee Discount

    What do you think the employee discount is at the Dollar Store? Do you think its just take it?
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 February 2010
    • Currently 5.52/10

    Rating: 5.5/10 (31)

    Parents

    What do you call a couple who uses the rhythm method of birth control?

    Parents.

    Submitted by Curtis

    Edited by Calamjo

    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 February 2009
    • Currently 5.06/10

    Rating: 5.1/10 (18)

    The Reason For Running


    A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
    The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
    The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 23 February 2010
    • Currently 5.82/10

    Rating: 5.8/10 (11)

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