Jokes of the day for Thursday, 11 April 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 11 April 2013
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (60)

“The two geologists l...

“The two geologists lived only a stone's throw apart.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (9)

Complete and Finished

There is a subtle but important difference between the words "complete" and "finished."

When you marry the right one, you are complete.

When you marry the wrong one, you are finished.

And if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are completely finished.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.96/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (28)

Funny video of the day - How NOT to drink champagne

How NOT to drink champagne - Well, champagne effect was a bit late - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

Hilarious jokes-Rhubarb

A little boy goes up to Old Tom the gardener and says, ‘What do you put on your rhubarb?'
‘Well, usually rotted horse manure,' replies Old Ned.
‘We have custard.' says the little boy.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

We judge on results...

A minister has just died and is standing on line waiting to be judges and admitted to Heaven. While waiting he asks the man in front of him about himself. "I'm a taxi driver from Noo Youk Cidy"

Suddenly the angel standing at the gate calls out next, and the taxi driver steps up. The angel hands him a golden staff and a cornucopia of fruits, cheeses and wine and lets him pass. The taxi driver is quite pleased, and proceeds through the gates.

Next, the minister steps up to the angel and the angel hands him a wooden staff and some bread and water. The minister is very concerned and asks the angel, "That guy is a taxi driver and gets a golden staff and a cornucopia! I spend my entire life as a minister and get nothing! How can that be?"

The angel replies, "Up here we judge on results, all of your people sleep through your sermons, in his taxi, they pray."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Dog with nice braid

Dog with nice braid - No, it is not wig, it took me so much time to grow this! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

English Is Very Strange


Did you know that "verb" is a noun?
How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can't spell them?
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
If two mouses are mice and two louses are lice, why aren't two houses hice?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
If you've read a book, you can reread it. But wouldn't this also mean that you would have to "member" somebody in order to remember them?
In Chinese, why are the words for crisis and opportunity the same?
Is it a coincidence that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable?
Is there another word for a synonym?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
Where do swear words come from?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why do people use the word "irregardless"?
Why do some people type "cool" as "kewl?"
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do we say something's out of order when its broken but we never say in of order when it works?
Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why does the Chinese ideogram for trouble symbolize two women living under one roof?
Why does X stand for a kiss and O stand for a hug?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why don't we say "why" instead of "how come"?
Why is "crazy man" an insult, while to insert a comma and say "Crazy, man!" is a compliment?
Why are a wise man and wise guy opposites?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that no word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple?
Why is it that the word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?
Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is the plural of goose-geese, and not the plural of moose-meese?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Blonde Horse Ride

This blonde had a near death experience the other day.

She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving.

She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fast and got out of control, and the blonde couldn't stay on, she fell of, but her foot got stuck, and she was dragging on the ground.

She started screaming, and was in great pain.

Then the wal-mart manager came outside and unplugged the horse.

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (9)

Guess the Game Name

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Helisoft

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

#joke
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (34)

Contrary to popular belief, Am...

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 May 2011
  • Currently 2.57/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (35)

Converting to the Society of Friends

Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.
Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 August 2010
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (23)

A young lady came home from a ...

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 April 2009
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (25)

Actual Answer from a Medical Student

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.”

The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?”

“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 11 April 2010
  • Currently 6.81/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (21)

"Simon, if I had eight apples ...

"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”

“Huge hands, sir.”
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 11 April 2012
  • Currently 4.53/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (19)

Mike Epps - Turning to God

I want to turn my life over to God but it is hard as hell. Every time something happens to us, thats what we do: Oh God, please dont do it to me, Ill tell ya, this is it, Im leaving these niggas alone, all these bitches, Ill tell ya, this is it, Im tired of this shit, I shoulda came to you. As soon as you feel good, you back out: Fuck these bitches! God be like, Hes a lying motherfucker right there. Thats a lying ass nigga. Dont you call me no more.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 11 April 2011
  • Currently 4.45/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (11)

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