Jokes of the day for Sunday, 21 April 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 21 April 2013
  • Currently 9.37/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (27)

The Dexter Nursing Home


The Dexter Nursing Home regulations made it mandatory to have a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
Alice, the trainee nurse, found an old guy already dressed and seated on the bed with a suitcase at his feet. Alice offered help but the old man insisted he could make it on his own and didn't need help to leave the hospital.
Alice reminded him that she had to follow rules, so he reluctantly let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down, Alice asked him if his wife was coming to meet him.
'I don't know,' said the old man. 'Guess she is still up in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

Funny video of the day - guy Gags on Cute Baby Kitten

guy Gags on Cute Baby Kitten - He almost swallows baby kitten! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Reptile Jokes 04


What's green a slimy and found at the North Pole?

A lost frog!

What's green and tough?

A toad with a machine gun!

Why didn't the female frog lay eggs?

Because her husband spawned her affections!

What do you call a 100 year old frog?

An old croak!

What do you get if cross a frog with some mist?

Kermit the Fog!

What is a chameleon's motto?

A change is as good as a rest!

What happens if you eat a hot frog?

You'll croak in no time!

What do you say if you meet a toad?

Wart's new!

What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?

Hoppalong Cassidy!


#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (10)

Shoulda Said

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever.

''Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?''

''Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass.''

''Okay,'' says the guy. He turns to his dog. ''Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of a house?''

''Roof!'' The man turns and smiles at the bartender.

''THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!''

''Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?''

''Ruff!"

''What the hell you tryin' to pull mister?''

''Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?''

"Ruth."

The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.

"Geez. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.82/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (17)

Funny Photo of the day - Goat race gone bad - FAIL

Goat race gone bad - FAIL - Next time, use dog! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

“When the window fell...

“When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

Ex-Girlfriend

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (9)

My thunder comes before the li...

My thunder comes before the lightning; My lightning comes before the clouds; My rain dries all the land it touches. What am I?
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Chuck Norris does not go hunti...

Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Chuck Norris goes killing.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 August 2011
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (18)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

This police officer sees an ol...

This police officer sees an old lady driving and knitting at the same time so after driving next to her for awhile he yells to her,"PULLOVER". She replies,"No a pair of socks".
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 July 2011
  • Currently 2.75/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (8)

Pro and Con

If pro- is the opposite of con- then congress must be the opposite of progress.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 May 2010
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

Blondes Never Have Ice

Q: Why are blondes constantly running out of ice?

A: They forgot the recipe.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 July 2008
  • Currently 4.86/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (22)

Where babies from?

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.

Mother, where do babies come from?

Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey.

Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Jewelry, dear.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 21 April 2012
  • Currently 3.80/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (20)

How to Cure a Headache

A guy has been suffering from severe headaches for years

with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's

referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The

doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies.

"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across

my scalp and...."

He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing

right behind the left ear".

"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you

know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache

for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp

muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my

wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs

together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve

the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and

come back and let me know how it goes".

Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you

feel?"

"Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache

since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough.

And, by the way you have a lovely home."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2011
  • Currently 4.95/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (19)

On his birthday, Chuck Norris ...

On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2011
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (16)

Little Johnny had finished his...

Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to
tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 April 2010
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (15)

One who runs in front of the c...

One who runs in front of the car gets tired. One who runs behind gets exhausted.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 April 2010
  • Currently 4.44/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (9)

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