Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 23 April 2013
  • Currently 9.57/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (69)

You have been promoted!

Justin was driving to work when his mobile phone rang.

It was his boss, Mr. Jenkins. Mr. Jenkins informed Justin that he had been promoted.

Justin drove a mile further and the phone rang again. This time it was the Managing Director, Mr. Berton, who informed Justin that he had been promoted to the boss's job.

After some time, the phone rang once again and the call was from Mr. Bell, the Chairman, and he said that Justin had been promoted to Managing Director.

Just then Justin lost control and crashed into a tree.

When the cops arrived and asked what happened, Justin replied he just careered of the road.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (6)

“When the goat ate a ...

“When the goat ate a Scrabble set, the letters came out in alphabetical ordure.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - How to exercise with your cats!

How to exercise with your cats! - No weights - no problem - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

Kiss

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?
"No, I don't," said the little boy
"Okay, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work."

Mauna Loa mac nut in a Hershey Kiss

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!"

#joke
  • Currently 3.36/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (14)

The twins....

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen,on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read the all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

#joke
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Recycled swan

Recycled swan - Garbage transformed into art | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (7)

Death in the Family

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible.

What's the problem?"

"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."

"Gee, that's tough," he replied.

"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $50,000."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

"Three close family members lost in three months?

How sad."

"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"

#joke
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (10)

A Special Night in Iowa

Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.

#joke #short #friday
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (37)

Calculate the number 7203

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 7203 using numbers [5, 8, 7, 9, 89, 362] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

President Roosevelt once rode ...

President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 23 October 2011
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (32)

Two strands of DNA were walkin...

Two strands of DNA were walking down the street. One says to the other, "Do these genes make me look fat?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 July 2010
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

Lightbulb Joke Collection 97


Q: How many procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One--but he has to wait until the light is better.
Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but first they have to rewire the entire building.
Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two--one to change the bulb and one to issue a rejection slip to the old bulb.
Q: How many managing editors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: You were supposed to have changed that lightbulb last week!
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. The invisible hand does it.
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. "There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the lightbulb lighting up again."
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, because, look! It's getting brighter! It's definitely getting brighter!
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 June 2010
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (13)

Two Kinds of People

There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 May 2009
  • Currently 5.94/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (53)

Mommy Mommy 03


Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!


Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!


Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!


Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!


Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up and comb your face!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 April 2011
  • Currently 2.52/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (56)

Brian Posehn: Quitting Meat

Quitting pot? It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian -- you know, quitting meat -- because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 April 2011
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (52)

Miracle whip

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?

A: Miracle Whip.

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 April 2011
  • Currently 3.98/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (48)

Subway Party

Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference.

There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside.

One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance.

When the 1st guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.

"Where ya been?"

he slurred.

"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 April 2012
  • Currently 6.06/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (34)

Victor Varnado: Black Albino, Ladies

Thats right -- Im a black albino, ladies. You know what Im talking about: all the benefits of being black, without the disappointing looks from your parents.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 April 2012
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (16)

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