Hilarious jokes-Hollywood bride
As soon as he lowered her, Donna asked, "This place seems to be familiar. Have we been married before?"
“A shotgun is an exha...
“A shotgun is an exhausted rifle.”
Funny video of the day - Chunking Watermelon 30 seconds or less (ORIGINAL)
It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. They said "Heavens no, we bought it."
He said, "Then why don't you drive it away".
Each of the women said "We can't drive".
The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked "Then why did you buy it?"
They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting.
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the damn wall!"
Cold MedicineMary and Liz (a blonde) were talkin in the office one day.
Mary: "Wow, that is some cold you have Liz."
Liz: "Tell me about it. I just cannot get rid of it."
Mary: "Try some Cold-Doc 3. I have a bottle in my desk. Just
take 3 tablespoons before you go to bed and you'll be fine.
Here ya go."
Liz: "Thanks, I'll give it a try."
Liz was standing by her desk jumping up and down, waving her
arms in the air and kicking her legs out.
Mary: "Liz, It is nice to see you are feeling better. Is
that a new dance?"
Liz: "Oh No. I still don't feel that great. I took the
medicine you gave me and just realized it said to shake well
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk.
Calculate the number 483
Moshe Reads an Arab Newspaper
A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"
A Midget Fortune Teller
Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large.
Knock Knock Collection 057
Egypt you when he sold you a broken door bell!
Elaine of the freeway!
Eileen over to tie up my shoes!
Elias a terrible thing!
A traveler wandering on an isl...A traveler wandering on an island inhabited by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains sorted out according to source.
The sign in the shop read:
Artists' Brains $9/lb
Philosophers' Brains $12/lb
Scientists' Brains $15/lb
Blondes' Brains $100/lb
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My, those beekeepers' brains are expensive - they must be very powerful!"
The butcher replied, "Not really. They're expensive because it takes so many Blondes to get one pound of brains!!"