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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 05 May 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 05 May 2013
  • Currently 9.66/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (94)

Clever elderly gentleman

Three old men - Jack, Roland & Nicholas were talking about what their grandkids would be mentioning about them fifty years from then.

Jack said, "I would like my grandchild to say, 'He was a successful businessman'".

Roland, the sentimental gentleman said, "I want my grandchildren to remember me as a loyal family man".

Then Jack asked Nicholas, "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?"

"Well" replied Nicholas, "I want my grandkids to say 'He certainly looks good for his age!'"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

What you watching that for?

The missus was watching a cooking program the other day.
I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."

TV Remote
She said, ........"You watch porn!!."
Hat Tip: Thomas Ben

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...

#joke
  • Currently 6.57/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Thai Pile Hammer

Thai Pile Hammer - Meanwhile, in Thailand, construction workers demonstrate a fun way to drive piles into the ground - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Dolphins are so intelligent th...

Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few weeks of captivity they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish three times a day.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 5.17/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (6)

The preacher and the peanuts...

One day a preacher goes to visit an elderly lady. As he is sitting there talking with her, he notices a bowl of peanuts sitting on the table in front of him.

'Do you mind if I have a few peanuts?' he asks the lady.

'Help yourself,' she replies.

After about an hour and a half visit, he gets up to leave and notices that he has eated almost all of the peanuts in the bowl.

'I apologize,' he says to the elderly lady. 'I only meant to eat a few.'

'That's okay,' says the lady, 'Since I've lost my teeth, all I've been able to do is suck the chocolate off of them.'

#joke
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Headless person on trampoline

Headless person on trampoline - Jumping too much, you can loose your head! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (5)

The right watch

A man had a watch that didnt work. He ask his friend to tell what is wrong. The friend say " Its because the watch is on your right hand."

The man puts the watch on his left hand and says "Oh there we go!"

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

Blonde Arrow

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.41/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (41)

FLEX WORDLE

FLEX WORDLE Guess the WORDLE in 3 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

“What did one plant s...

“What did one plant say to another? What's stomata?”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (10)

Knock-knock...

Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes the police! Come out with your hands up!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 November 2012
  • Currently 5.32/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (25)

Adam Strays

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 May 2012
  • Currently 4.97/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (31)

Chuck Norris has the greatest ...

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 10 November 2011
  • Currently 3.98/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (44)

Bumper Stickers 17


"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"
"No Radio - Already Stolen"
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 30 April 2010
  • Currently 4.87/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (46)

Computer Movers

Dick and Dirk are employed in a computer hardware store as movers.

One day both of them are asked to move some computers. Dick being energetic that day doesn't feel the computer to be heavy at all. At the same time he sees that Dirk is struggling very hard to lift his computer.

At this Dick says, "What Dirk, my comp has 500 MB HardDisk and yours has just 250, even then you cannot lift it ???"

At this Dirk thinks for a while and replies, "Thats right, but my HardDisk is full and yours is empty"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 May 2010
  • Currently 3.52/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (44)

Chuck Norris' pulse is measure...

Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 May 2011
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (43)

I Own The Fastest Car

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?".
The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000."
"That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure" replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!"
Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, the guy notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
Whhhoooooooooossssshhhhhh! Something whips by him! Going maybe three times as fast!
The guy wonders "what on earth could be going faster than my Turbo BeepBeeP?" Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.
Whooooooooooosh! Goes by again! And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped! Couldn't be thinks the guy. How could a moped outrun a Turbo BeepBeep? Again, he sees a dot in his rearview mirror!
WhoooooooshhhhhhhhKa-BbbbblaMMMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.
The guy jumps out and discovers it is the old man! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. The guy runs up to the dying old man and asks "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man replies "Yeah. Unhook my suspenders from the side-view mirror on your car!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 May 2011
  • Currently 5.92/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (39)

Adam Strays

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate.
"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 05 May 2012
  • Currently 4.97/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (31)

Four women were chatting in th...

Four women were chatting in the locker room of their health club, when one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male masturbation, i.e. jerking off, spanking the monkey, slappin' the salami and so on, there weren't any common terms for female masturbation.

"I've always called it 'jilling off'," said one of the women.

"But that's just a feminization of 'jacking off,'" said the first.

"You're right," said another. "We don't seem to have any slang terms of our own for it."

The fourth woman snorted. "After fourteen years of marriage, there's only one thing I call it."

"What's that?"

"Finishing the job."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 May 2011
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (13)

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