Join us on WhatsApp
Join us on Viber

Jokes of the day for Monday, 13 May 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 13 May 2013

Funny jokes-Swimming competition

There was a swimming competition between a few girls one summer morning. The style decided was breast-stroke. The event started with the call five…….four…… three…… two…… one…….go.

All the girls reached the finish line more or less the same time except Marie. They all sportingly waited for Marie to arrive. It was almost forty minutes later that Marie reached the finish line. She was totally exhausted and on the verge of collapse. Other girls helped her asked what went wrong.

After regaining her breath Marie said: “My word, you all must have used your arms, otherwise how could you reach so fast? That's cheating.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

“A harp that was shav...

“A harp that was shaved is a bare-faced lyre.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.70/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (10)

SLIDESHOW #81 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Apples

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

#joke
  • Currently 7.00/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Funny animals GIFS (with sound)

Funny animals GIFS (with sound) - Funny compilation of gifs with sound added - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

Pope and Purdue

One day Mr. Purdue comes up with this great idea for the Catholic Church. Immediately he makes plane reservations to go to Rome.

When he gets into Rome he makes an appointment to see the Pope. When he sees the Pope he says this: "It is great to meet you, your Eminence, and I have a little proposition for you. See, I was in church the other day and I thought of a great idea. Purdue Chickens is ready to give the Church $500,000 if you guys will change 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily chicken'. What do you think?"

The Pope pondered for a second and said: "I don't really think so."

Well, Mr. Purdue was not going to be let down by this so he continued: "Purdue Chickens is so organized that we figured that there would be a little dificulty in the first offer. Okay, we are prepared to give the Church $1 million dollars to change 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily chickens'."

The Pope thought a little longer this time and responded: "No, I really don't think so."

Now, Mr. Purdue was getting a little nervous. He took out his handkerchief and wiped the sweat from his brow. He said: "Now, we at Purdue Chickens didn't really think that the offer was going to go this far, but nevertheless, we prepared ourselves. We are willing to give the Church $5 million if you guys will change 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily chickens.' What do you think?"

The Pope looked at Mr. Purdue blankly and then said: "Sure."

Later that day the Pope had a meeting with the Cardinals. He said: "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good new is that the Church has gained $5 million dollars. The bad news is that we lost the Wonderbread account."

#joke
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - The bag of shame

The bag of shame - When you are bad, you get to be in bag of shame | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (9)

Her husband had been slipping ...

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 6.83/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (53)

Celtic Mortality

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

One less drunk.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.51/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (37)

Ploughing The Land


A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?"
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 February 2013
  • Currently 5.85/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (40)

Chuck Norris doesn't fly throu...

Chuck Norris doesn't fly through the air, the air moves out of his way.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 December 2011
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (16)

Climb The Pole

A group of guys were chatting with a good-looking blonde and, somewhat improbably, asked her to climb this pole that was conveniently nearby.

For whatever reason, she decided to do it.

When she told her mother what happened, her mother scolded her:

"Don't you understand that they only wanted to see your underwear?"

The girl was understandably upset at being very stupid and naive, and decided to show those boys a thing or two.

The next day, they repeated their request, and when she came home she was beaming.

"What are you so happy about?" asked her mother.

"I totally showed them. Today I didn't even WEAR underwear!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 01 October 2010
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (36)

Confucius Say ...

Confucius say, "When you are angry at neighbor, walk a mile in his shoes. Then you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 March 2010
  • Currently 5.90/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (48)

The photographer for a nationa...

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 23 October 2009
  • Currently 5.07/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (14)

A Saudi Prince went to Germany...

A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: "Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying: "Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 May 2010
  • Currently 5.93/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (56)

Rosary and Two Martinis

A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could have made it without his Rosary and two martinis each day. With that the priest said to the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?" The Bishop said, "Yes, that would be nice." The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 May 2010
  • Currently 7.34/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (53)

Ecumenical Greenbacks

My home church welcomes all denominations, but really prefers tens and twenties.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 May 2009
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (34)

Kristian Vallee: Getting Out of School

People think kids are the only ones that want to get out of class at 3 oclock every single day. No, no -- go see the teachers on a Friday at 3 oclock. Youll see teachers stiff-arming kids on the way out to the parking lot.
#joke #short #friday
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 13 May 2010
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (15)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.