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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 23 May 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 23 May 2013. Rate this page:

Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast)

“Some clockmakers are ...


“Some clockmakers are normal, but others are a little cuckoo.”
| Source : Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.

Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Funny video of the day Urban Water Slide
- Perfectly safe - Sent by: Jokes Admin

Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Partial disability


A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" the interviewer asks.
"Yes, I was a Marine," responds the applicant.
"Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Vietnam for two years and I have a partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 a.m."
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."
2006 - Eli - interviewing at desk - (by Eli) 163193843_7d2d203184_o
"Everyone else starts at 7 a.m., but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."
| Source : Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily

Rating: 7.6/10 (5 votes cast)

A good wife



Martin and Tina were married for some time. Lately Martin was in two minds whether Tina was a good wife to him. One day Martin took his donkey to a field near his house to get some work done. After a while he saw Tina come towards them with food for him, fodder for the animal and water for both of them. That instant he decided that Tina was a good woman after all.
But when Tina was feeding the donkey, the animal kicked her in the head killing her instantly. Martin was sorry. At the funeral his friend Dean saw some women looking at Tina and then at Martin. Martin moved his head up and down. Dean next observed some men look at the donkey and then at Marin who shook his head side by side.
Later Dean asked Martin what it was all about. Martin said: “Women looked at me to confirm Tina was a good wife, I said ‘yes’. Next men looked at me, which meant if the donkey was for sale, I said ‘No.’”
| Source : Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures

Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Funny photo of the day: SIM card dealer SIM card dealer
- Dressed appropriately | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor - Sent: Jokes Admin

Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Her husband had been slipping ...


Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!
| Source : MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day

Rating: 4.8/10 (16 votes cast)

The original title for Alien v ...


The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
| Source : Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact

Rating: 2.7/10 (12 votes cast)

Q. What do you call a bug with ...


Q. What do you call a bug with manners?
A. A lady bug
| Source : A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment

Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast)

10 Things You Never Hear in Church


1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!

2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

4. I've decided to give our church the \\$500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.6. Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.

7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!
| Source : Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith

Rating: 3.4/10 (18 votes cast)

The traveling salesman


The traveling salesman's car broke down in the country and he knocked on the farmhouse door. When the farmer opened the door, the salesman said, "Sir, my car has broken down, and I was wondering if you might be able to put me up for the night?"

The farmer said, "Why, sure, but you will have to sleep with my son."

The salesman hesitated then said, "Excuse me, sir, but I think I'm in the wrong joke."

| Source : http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day

Rating: 3.0/10 (1 vote cast)

 Scary Collection 02



A Halloween joke

What do witches eat at Halloween?

Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie!



A vampire joke

What's Dracula's car called?

A mobile blood unit!



A werewolf joke

What do you call a hairy beast with clothes on?

A wear-wolf!



A witch joke

Why did the witch go over the mountain?

Because she couldn't go under it!



A skeleton joke

Why didn't the skeleton want to play football?

Because his heart wasn't in it!



A cannibal joke

Why was the cannibal looking peeky?

Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!



A wizard joke

If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be?

Out for the count!






| Source : Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.

Rating: 2.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Eating Right


A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril.

He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well."

The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
| Source : Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.

Rating: 5.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Louis Katz: Hippie Roommate


I made the mistake of moving in with a hippie. Hippie roommate -- horrible mistake. Apparently, when they say peace and love, what they really mean is filthy and annoying.
| Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 May 2011

Rating: 5.3/10 (15 votes cast)

Patton Oswalt: Romantic Comedies


Every romantic comedy should just be called, Trying to F**k.
| Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Rating: 4.4/10 (11 votes cast)

An Internet Christmas


T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.
The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,
While visions of Java danced in their dreams.
My wife on the sofa and me with a snack,
We just settled down at my rig (it's a Mac).
When out in the Web there arose such a clatter,
I jumped to the site to see what was the matter.
To a new page my Mac flew like a flash,
Then made a slight gurgle. It started to crash!!
I gasped at the thought and started to grouse,
Then turned my head sideways and clicked on my mouse.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
My Mac jumped to a page that wasn't quite clear.
When the image resolved, so bright and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick!
More rapid than mainframes, more graphics they came,
Then Nick glanced toward my screen, my Mac called them by name;
"Now Compaq! Now Acer!", my speaker did reel;
"On Apple! On Gateway!" Santa started to squeal!
"Jump onto the circuits! And into the chip!
Now speed it up! Speed it up! Make this thing hip!"
The screen gave a flicker, he was into my "Ram",
Then into my room rose a full hologram!
He was dressed in all red, from his head to his shoes,
Which were black (the white socks he really should lose).
He pulled out some discs he had stored in his backpack.
Santa looked like a dude who was rarin' to hack!
His eyes, how they twinkled! His glasses, how techno!
This ain't the same Santa that I used to know!
With a wink of his eye and a nod of his head,
Santa soon let me know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, gave my Mac a quick poke,
And accessed my C drive with only a stroke.
He defragged my hard drive, and added a "Dimm",
Then threw in some cool games, just on a whim!
He worked without noise, his fingers they flew!
He distorted some pictures with Kai's Power Goo!
He updated Office, Excel and Quicken,
Then added a screensaver with a red clucking chicken!
My eyes widened a bit, my mouth stood agape,
As he added the latest version of Netscape.
The drive gave a whirl, as if it were pleased,
St. Nick coyly smiled, the computer appeased.
Then placing his finger on the bridge of his nose,
Santa turned into nothing but ones and zeros!
He flew back into my screen and through my uplink,
Back into the net with barely a blink.
But I heard his sweet voice as he flew from my sight,
"Happy surfing to all, and to all a good byte!"
| Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 May 2011

Rating: 3.8/10 (6 votes cast)

 Hiring An Accountant



Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?"


"Twenty-two," Kowalski replied.


After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.


About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious.


The next day, Kowalski went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."






| Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 May 2011

Rating: 4.8/10 (15 votes cast)

Not guilty?


After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"

"Yes, we have, your honor," The foreman responded.

"Would you please pass it to me," The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.

After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."

"We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery." stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude.

The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?"

The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?"

| Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 23 May 2011

Rating: 5.3/10 (7 votes cast)