Jokes of the day for Monday, 03 June 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 03 June 2013
  • Currently 9.45/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (62)

Happiest day of your life...

Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life."

"But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." Protested his nephew.

"I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I mean."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (8)

Nothing to wear

Jerry came home from office at two in the afternoon as he had forgotten to carry an important file. He found his wife without a stitch on their bed.

Jerry, obviously surprised, said to her, “Brenda, what do you think you are doing lying there like that at this time of the day?”

Brenda replied, “I don't have anything proper to wear.”

Jerry opened their cupboard and said. “What the hell………you have countless dresses, see……here's one dress……second dress……third one…...the fourth…………"hi there Tom”………here's the fifth……..”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Week 4 May 2013

Best Fails of the Week 4 May 2013 - Many funny FAIL moments, best for last week, 4th in May 2013 - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (5)

“When I went to the I...

“When I went to the International Club, I accidentally spilled coffee on a Hindu lady's dress. I told her I was very sari.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (3)

Lights Out

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping with music and dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the roomwent dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked," May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."
"Why not? " the nun asked.
"Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his most private part is covered only by a fig leaf. "
"Nonsense," said the nun, "I'll just look the other way."
So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again. However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
The Naked Statue of Man in the Museum of Antalya/Turkey (© Margot Wolfs)
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about that drink, Sister

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Nice lamp design

Nice lamp design - With interesting switch | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (3)

An old man walking along the r...

An old man walking along the river bank suddenly spotted a boy drowning in the river. The man started shouting "HELP! HELP! I can't swim", a man passing by the road shouted back "Will you ever grow up! I also can't ride a bicycle but you'll never hear me yelling about it in the street"

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (2)

Ronald McDonald in a N*dist Colony

Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a n*dist colony?
A: Look for sesame seed buns.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (44)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B-C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (16, 17, 22, 24, 25, 30, 54, 55, 60, 69, 79, 88) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B-C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Chuck Norris invented the bear...

Chuck Norris invented the beard.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 August 2011
  • Currently 2.14/10

Rating: 2.1/10 (28)

Snooker Man

y did the snookerman go to the toilet, to pot brown!
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 January 2010
  • Currently 2.48/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (25)

Hot Horseradish

A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful.The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 July 2009
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (32)

Great hooters

Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad.

Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay...but you look so sad. Why??"

Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man."

Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods."

Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it."

Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about."

Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage."

Liz, "So, how's that going help you get a man."

Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hooters."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 May 2009
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's ...

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 03 June 2012
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (31)

Writing letters to son

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping.

Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note:

"Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 June 2011
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (26)

You Might Be A Redneck If 50


You might be a redneck if...
You think cur is a breed of dog.
People hear your car long before they see it.
Your four-year-old is a member of the NRA.
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".
You've ever hitchhiked naked.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 June 2011
  • Currently 4.48/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (21)

Dan St. Germain: Video Game Nuptials

A friend of mine had a Super Mario Brothers-themed wedding two years ago. Then, a year after that, he had a regular-themed divorce.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 03 June 2011
  • Currently 3.67/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (18)

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