Jokes of the day for Sunday, 16 June 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 16 June 2013
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Hollywood divorces

Hollywood divorces

It is customary in Hollywood to get married early in the morning. It helps in the sense if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

The most difficult thing in Hollywood is to keep the marriage a secret until the news of the divorce leaks out.

A Hollywood kid felt very proud. The reason - at the last Parent-Teachers meeting, she was given a prize for having the most parents there.

One Hollywood actress is known to be very sentimental: she is very particular about always getting divorced in the dress her mother was married in.


#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

Chuck Norris can delete the Re...

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Source: Daily Chuck - Daily Chuck Norris Fact
  • Currently 2.71/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (28)

Funny video of the day - Twin Babies Playing with Rubber Bands

Twin Babies Playing with Rubber Bands - Adorable baby twins are having a blast playing with rubber bands - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

Leave a sample...

An old codger goes to visit his doctor about painful peeing. His wife goes with him because the poor old bloke is hard of hearing.

After an examination the Doctor says to the old man, "Right, I'll need you to leave a urine, semen and feces samples for analysis."

The old man didn't quite hear the Doctor and asks his wife, "What did the Doctor say?"

The wife replies, "He wants you to leave your underpants here, dear."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (8)

Favorite Radio Station

Q: What is a blondes favorite radio station?

A: Scan

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Just a dude walking his crab

Just a dude walking his crab - Well it would be pretty inhumane if he just kept him indoors all day, now wouldn't it.... | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

A Little Cannibalism Humor, Folks

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (25)

“Rental agents offer ...

“Rental agents offer quarters for dollars.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Reaching the end of a job inte...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.18/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (39)

Blind Skydivers

Why don't blind people skydive more often?

It scares the shit out of their dogs.

How does a blind skydiver know the ground is near?

Skydiver

The leash goes slack

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 July 2012
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (12)

No-Parking Zone

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 02 July 2011
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (17)

Dealing With Trouble


A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably better than Houdini."
The giant nodded.
"If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.
"Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 16 May 2010
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (12)

Langauge

Someone mistakenly leaves the cages open in the reptile house at the Bronx Zoo and there are snakes slithering all over the place.

Frantically, the keeper tries everything, but he can't get them back in their cages. Finally he says, "Quick, call a lawyer!"

"A lawyer? Why??"

"We need someone who speaks their langauge!"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 June 2009
  • Currently 5.60/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (35)

What a mess!

Have you heard about the elephant with diarrhea?

It's all over town!

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 16 June 2011
  • Currently 3.97/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (31)

Do Cats Go to Heaven?

A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 June 2009
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (26)

Material Damage

A yuppie was opening the door of his BMW when a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie complained bitterly about the damage to his car.
Officer, look what theyve done to my Beemer!
You yuppies are so materialistic, its ridiculous retorted the officer. Youre so worried about your stupid BMW, you didnt even notice that your left arm was ripped off.
Oh, my God! screamed the yuppie, noticing the bloody stump where his arm used to be. My Rolex!
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 16 June 2009
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (13)

You Are A Chicken


A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"
The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"
"Two years," says the man.
"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 June 2010
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Rating: 5.6/10 (11)

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