Jokes of the day for Monday, 15 July 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 15 July 2013
  • Currently 9.66/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (86)

Office jokes-Bragging

Redmond moved to London from Ireland to pursue a career in logistics. He was always bragging to his English colleagues about how great Ireland was. One co-worker, annoyed by such boasting, finally said, "Well, if Ireland's so wonderful, how come you didn't stay there?"

"Well," explained Redmond, "they're all so brilliant out there I had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (4)

“The humorist's favor...

“The humorist's favorite sandwich was smoked tongue on wry.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - The World Without Mobile

The World Without Mobile - We imagined what a World Without Mobile would look like - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (9)

Nurse Jenny

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"

Nurse in Pinar del Rio - Cuba 01
Suddenly, they hear a blood-curdling scream from down the hall, "Oh my gosh!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (8)

There was a doctor, a civil en...

There was a doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist sitting around late one evening, and they discussed which the oldest profession was.

The doctor pointed out that according to Biblical tradition, God created Eve from Adam's rib. This obviously required surgery, so therefore that was the oldest profession in the world.

The engineer countered with an earlier passage in the Bible that stated that God created order from the chaos, and that was most certainly the biggest and best civil engineering example ever, and also proved that his profession was the oldest profession.

The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, and with a sly smile responded, "Yes, but whom do you think created the chaos?"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Crazy Stylish Mojito Shoe by Julian Hakes

Crazy Stylish Mojito Shoe by Julian Hakes - Does it look like something you could wear? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

There was a man sitting at a b...

There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says, "Hey, you look familiar.
Are you from around here?" The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school?"
"Oh I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in '66.
How 'bout you?"
"Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in '66, too." "Where'd you go to college?"
"Beloit, in Wisconsin."
"No way! I went to Beloit too. What dorm?"
"Kevin Sullivan dorm."
"Sullivan? You're not going to believe this . . ."
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says, "Joe, you won't believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same
high school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"
Joe looks at them both and says, "Yeah, that's just plain amazing."
A third man comes in and says, "Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says, "Not much. The Johnson twins are drunk again."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

Geek Booty Call... No Need

Now that I've met you, I no longer need my handheld.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (6)

What is hidden in 3D image?

Stereogram - 3D Image
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Baseball boy...

A little boy walked up to homeplate in an empty baseball field, with his bat and ball in hand.

As he threw the ball up in the air, he proclaimed, "I am the best ball player ever!" He swung with all his might, but missed.

He did the same thing and missed again.

He picked up the ball, tossed it up one more time, said "I am the best ball player in the world!" Then he swung and missed again.

"Wow!" he said. "What a pitcher!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Question And Answer Blond Jokes


Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (4)

Eating Bananas

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?

A1: They can't

find the zipper.

A2: They cant find the pull tab.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.80/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (5)

Chuck Norris once kicked a hor...

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 December 2011
  • Currently 5.42/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (12)

Improvements in Hell

An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"
Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."
"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."
God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"
Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 April 2011
  • Currently 4.98/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (52)

Dane Cook: In the Year 3000

In the year 3000, everything will be instant... but the DMV will still take, like, nine f**king seconds.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 July 2011
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (33)

Touring guide for North

Northerners visiting the South Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern States

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles:

1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.

3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.

4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

5. You may hear a Southerner say "Oughta!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"

6. Don't be worried about not understanding what people are saying; they can't understand you, either.

7. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol'," as in "big ol' truck " or "big ol' boy." Most Northerners begin their new Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

8. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

9. Be advised that "He needed killin'" is a valid defense here.

10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim "Hey, y'all, watch this," stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

11. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

12. When you come upon a person driving 15 mph down the middle of the road, remember that most folks here learn to drive on a John Deere, and that this is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

#joke #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 July 2011
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (32)

Dealing With A Lawyer


A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,
"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 July 2011
  • Currently 4.11/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (27)

Blonde and computers

Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new secretary (a very attractive blonde, of course?) in the office down the hall from me. She flagged me down and asked for help. "My floppy drive won't work, can you help me ?" she asked.

I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her 3.5" floppy drive. While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.

"Oh, you mean the condom!", she said.

"Condom???", I asked.

"Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."

By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The "condom" turned out to be a standard 3.5" plastic sleeve. I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked (as serious as one could be):

"Does that mean I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either???"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 July 2010
  • Currently 5.73/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (26)

Chuck Norris let the dogs out....

Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 July 2011
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (26)

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