Jokes of the day for Sunday, 28 July 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 28 July 2013
  • Currently 9.43/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (40)

One line jokes-Reached a point

Just when you thought your earnings have reached a point where ration prices don't matter, calories do.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Three drunks hailed a taxi. Th...

Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver seeing that they were so wasted when they got in, he just switched on the engine and switched it off, and said we are here. The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him. The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized the car didn't move an inch. So what was that for, he asked. Control your speed next time, you almost killed us.
#joke
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (7)

Funny video of the day - Animals Attack Kids - funny compilation

Animals Attack Kids - funny compilation - Don't worry, all kids are fine! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Unusual affair

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine.”

His second friend says, “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine.”

Paddy says, “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.”

Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

The seats at the bar IMG_2781

“No, I'm serious,” Paddy says. “The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (7)

Three drunks hailed a taxi. Th...

Three drunks hailed a taxi. The taxi driver seeing that they were so wasted when they got in, he just switched on the engine and switched it off, and said we are here. The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him. The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them would have realized the car didn't move an inch. So what was that for, he asked. Control your speed next time, you almost killed us.


#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.40/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (5)

Funny Photo of the day - Today's kids

Today's kids - still in a baby trolley, but with headphones and laptop | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.08/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (12)

Proud daddy...

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.

"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.

A few days later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "10 pounds."

The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened?

The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

Obviously Nuts

A guy goes to the psychiatrist only wearing shorts made of Glad wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (8)

Find the right combination

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

“A doctor who became ...

“A doctor who became a bartender was always giving out shots!”

#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.54/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (13)

Bumper Stickers in Heaven

Honk if you ARE Jesus
Ask Me About My Previous Lives
I Brake For Celestial Choirs
I Died and Went To Heaven and All I Got Was This Lousy Halo

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 July 2012
  • Currently 3.72/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (18)

On his birthday, Chuck Norris ...

On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 April 2011
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (17)

Employee Want Ad Translations


Energetic self-starter: You'll be working on commission.
Entry level position: We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law.
Experience required: We do not know the first thing about any of this.
Fast learner: You will get no training from us.
Flexible work hours: You will frequently work long overtime hours.
Good organizational skills: You'll be handling the filing.
Make an investment in you future: This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme.
Management training position: You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory.
Much client contact: You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients.
Must have reliable transportation: You will be required to break speed limits.
Must be able to lift 50 pounds: We offer no health insurance or chiropractors.
Opportunity of a lifetime: You will not find a lower salary for so much work.
Planning and coordination: You book the bosses travel arrangements.
Quick problem solver: You will work on projects months behind schedule already.
Strong communication skills: You will write tons of documentation and letters.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 October 2009
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

Sad sad Australians

An Aussie student was walking on campus one day when another Aussie rode up on a shiny new bicycle.

'Where did you get such a nice bike?' asked the first.

The second Aussie replied,

'Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,

"Take what you want."'

The first Aussie nodded approvingly.

'Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 August 2009
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (10)

Rachel Feinstein: Whore Friends

Were at this bar, and Im talking to this guy. Hes kind of leaning in like maybe hes intrigued by me, or something. All of a sudden, I look up and I notice, out of the corner of my eye, my friend that I came there with is doing some sort of a titty dance on the bar, right above us. And you cant really compete with that. Cause I think that every man hopes and prays that a titty jig is just going to erupt at any moment in their lives.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 July 2010
  • Currently 3.64/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (47)

Church Cake!

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this — especially all the ladies who bake for church events

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies' group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, “Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake.”

So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom … a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church. Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold.

Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend's home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon.

After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.

Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say,

“Thank you, I baked it myself.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 July 2011
  • Currently 4.91/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (33)

Answering Machine Message 97


"Camptown Races":
I can't come to the telephone; doo-dah, doo-dah.
Leave your message when you hear the tone; oh, de doo-dah day.
Might be gone all night... Might be gone all day...
So leave a message when you hear the tone.
I'll call you back someday...

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 July 2011
  • Currently 2.03/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (31)

How good was I?

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night, her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity.

They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom, and when the guy walks in the door he notices all these fluffy toys.

There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed.

Later, after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks, "So, how was I?"

She says, "Well, you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 28 July 2011
  • Currently 3.93/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (29)

New Secretary

The real estate boss got a hot new secretary. Afraid of sexual harrassment issues he held himself off for a week, but finally overcome with lust, he decided to put some moves on her. But within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is working, not caring, coming to work late, and so on. So, he pulls her aside, and has a little talk with her. "Listen, baby, we may have gone to bed together a few times, but who said you could start coming in late and slacking off?" Looking him in the eyes, she replied, "My lawyer!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 July 2010
  • Currently 4.48/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (27)

PREVIOUS DAY
NEXT DAY

Jokes of the day

Daily updated jokes. New jokes every day.
Follow jokes of the day on social networks
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.

Jokes partners

  • Free GPS tracking service for mobile devices that allows you to track any cell phone with built-in GPS (or with Bluetooth GPS receiver) in real time - partner of the jokes of the day
  • Daily Brain Teasers - daily collection of brain teasers

Jokes Archive