Jokes of the day for Saturday, 10 August 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 10 August 2013
  • Currently 9.66/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (64)

The firecracker factory explosion

A firecracker factory is rocked by a huge explosion, and several people are injured. The injured are taken to the hospital, but not everyone survives.
An inquiry begins and several survivors are approached to make statements.
One such survivor, Sven, is asked by the investigator, "You were close to where the explosion happened, right? Tell me about it."
Sven replied, "Well, old Felix was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."

The investigator is shocked. He says, "You sure he was smoking in the mixing room? How long had he been working for the company?"

Sven replied, "Yes. About 25 years, sir"
The investigator says, "He works 25 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done."

"It was, sir."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (4)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (91)

Funny video of the day - Amazing Breakdance Battle

Amazing Breakdance Battle - Do you thin they won competition? - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

E.T.s eyes

Why are E.T.s eyes so big?

Because he saw the phone bill.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Bar... Grasshopper

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'

#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - How to transport your crocodile

How to transport your crocodile - In nice and safe mannerd | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

“It's tough to know e...

“It's tough to know exactly what some philosophers looked like. Sometimes the only way might be to ex-Hume them.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Special gift

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

#joke #friday #monday
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.36/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (11)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (3, 5, 6, 27, 29, 31, 32, 43, 45, 46, 73, 93, 96) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

In a tagteam match, Chuck Norr...

In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 30 August 2011
  • Currently 3.16/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (25)

Chicamote handmade accessories
http://www.chicamote.com/

A Mental Hospital


After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 28 May 2010
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

The Devil

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 August 2010
  • Currently 5.79/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (34)

Chuck Norris once leaned again...

Chuck Norris once leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 August 2011
  • Currently 3.74/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (31)

Stock market report...

Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cows steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remained unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 August 2008
  • Currently 5.55/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (29)

The Lawyer at the Pearly Gates

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let her through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and figuring heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” But the trash man had just seen the movie, too, and he answered, “about 1,500.”
“That’s right! You may enter,” said Peter.
Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer and said, “Name them.”
This joke was reprinted from "The Book of Catholic Jokes" by Deacon Tom Sheridan, with permission of ACTA Publications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 10 August 2010
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (25)

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