Jokes of the day for Thursday, 15 August 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 15 August 2013
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Rating: 9.7/10 (62)

Keep it simple

Three cobblers arrived in a town to try their luck and opened shop in the same lane.
John, the first cobbler, put a notice outside his door, “The best cobbler in the city”.
Not to be outdone, the second cobbler, Danny, hung a bigger notice that said,“The best cobbler in the world.”
The third cobbler, Michael, was wondering what to do and how to beat the best cobbler in the city and the best cobbler in the world.
An idea struck him. The next morning, he found quite a few customers waiting when he opened his shop. The notice on his door simply said, “The best cobbler in the lane.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
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“His job in the city ...

“His job in the city sewers ended when he got smell shock and succumbed in the stenches.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
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Funny video of the day - New World Record Blob Jump

New World Record Blob Jump - I-Go Big stuntmen broke the world record for the highest blob launch at Twin Falls, Idaho - link to page video is posted initially.
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Rating: 5.0/10 (4)

Sizing up the opportunity

A man walks into a bar with a monkey in tow. The man sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him a beer and watches the man's monkey run around along the bar.

The monkey grabs a peanut and swallows it whole, then grabs a slice a lime and swallows that whole.

Finally, the monkey jumps onto a pool table, grabs the cue ball and manages to shove it in his mouth then swallow it whole as well. The bartender asks the man, "You see what your monkey's done?"

The man looks up from his beer and says, "No...what's he done now?" The bartender tells the man and the man apologizes, pays for the damage done and leaves with his monkey.

The bartender doesn't see the man at the bar for a month, but the man does return with the same monkey in tow.

The man asks for a beer, and the bartender obliges. The monkey proceeds to jump up on the bar, grabs a cherry, shoves it up his butt then takes it out and swallows it whole.

The bartender says to the man, "You see what your monkey's done?!"

The man looks up from his beer and says, "No...what's he done now?" The bartender tells him.

MONKEY

The man replies, "Yeah, he does that now...After the cue ball he checks to make sure he can get it out before he swallows it."

#joke #walksintoabar #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 2.00/10

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When Mozart passed away,...


When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple
days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard
some strange noises coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave,
listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony,
And it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the
Sixth...the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned
on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the
cemetery. "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Funny Photo of the day - How to carry 46" TV?

How to carry 46" TV? - I guess this is only possible way! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
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President Hillary

Q: Why did Senator Hillary Clinton decide to run for office?
A: She'd already been president for 8 years.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
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Money From God

A little boy who wanted $100 very badly prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to God requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter to "God, USA," they decided to send it to President Clinton. The president was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill. Mr. Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5, and immediately sat down to write a thank you note to God which read "Dear God, Thank you for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C., and as usual, those bastards deducted $95."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
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What is hidden in 3D image?

Stereogram - 3D Image
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Did You Hear About The Blond?


Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.--Mentally Deficient?
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
Did you hear about the blonde who went to a n*dist camp for a game of strip poker?
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Virgin

What do you call and afghan virgin?

Never been laid on.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Glaci

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.75/10

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A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: MHINTZ0929's Blog - New funny joke each day
  • Currently 5.01/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (93)

Chuck Norris can dribble a foo...

Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 25 August 2011
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Jesus Is Watching You!

There was a burglar who broke into a home and started to gather the items he wanted to take. All of a sudden he heard, "Jesus is watching you!" He didn't see anything in the dark house, so he went on with what he was doing.
He heard, "Jesus is watching you!" again and then he really wondered who wassaying that. He turned on the flashlight, scanned the room, and finally saw a parrot.
"Did you say that?" asked the burgler.
"Yes," replied the parrot.
"By the way, what's your name?" the burgler inquired."Moses," answered the parrot.
"That's a strange name for a parrot. Who named you that?"
"The same people who named their rotweiller Jesus!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 04 July 2010
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an explorer in the deepest Ama...

an explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm fucked."

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No you are NOT fucked. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living shit out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, God's voice booms out again: "Okay . . . NOW you're fucked."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 August 2008
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Rating: 5.2/10 (46)

Pete Holmes: The Museum

I dont care about the museum, I only care that people think Im the kind of guy who goes to museums.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 August 2011
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Dents

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...
"HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 August 2010
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Chck Norris listens to "Requie...

Chck Norris listens to "Requiem for a Tower" when he eats waffles.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 August 2011
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Checking out

A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the bell.

Yes, says the receptionist irritably.

Excuse me, says the woman, but I'm in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please?

The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down.Not bad, he smiles, not bad at all.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 August 2010
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