Jokes of the day for Thursday, 12 September 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 12 September 2013
  • Currently 9.61/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (85)

All I want is a beer

One Friday night, a 17-year-old boy went into a bar and sat down at a table in the corner of the pool room. When the waitress walked over to his table, the teenager said: "Gimme a beer."

The waitress eyed him for a moment and said: "Look, sonny. Do you want to get me in trouble?"

beer

The boy glanced back at her and replied: "Maybe later. Right now all I want is a beer."

#joke #friday #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.30/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (10)

The smart carpenter

Andy, a carpenter by profession, had witnessed an accident and was summoned to court to give evidence.
The defendant's lawyer tried to discredit him by asking several tricky questions. One of the questions was, "How far were you from the accident site?"
Andy replied, "Thirty one feet, three and a half inches."

The lawyer asked, "What???! How can you be so sure and precise about that distance?"
Andy said, "Well, I knew sooner or later someone stupid would ask me. So I measured it!"
#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.73/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (11)

Funny video of the day - Star Trek Teleportation Stuns Shoppers

Star Trek Teleportation Stuns Shoppers - To celebrate the release of Star Trek Into Darkness, movie and TV streaming service blinkbox worked with top illusionist Scott Penrose to perform some cunning teleportation trickery - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.27/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (11)

An out-of-towner drove his car...

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Traffic court...

A man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.

"What for?" he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!"

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."

The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.38/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Cheat now

Cheat now - if you can! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (9)

Old Local Blacksmith


An old blacksmith relized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.57/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (7)

Why did the blonde w

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

Calculate the number 1576

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 1576 using numbers [5, 7, 2, 1, 36, 221] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Confused Boy

Q: Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

A: His daddy was really a mummy.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.77/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (13)

“A cannonball is a pa...

“A cannonball is a party for artillerymen.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (26)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 August 2013
  • Currently 5.01/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (93)

A duck's quack does not echo. ...

A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 25 February 2012
  • Currently 5.86/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (14)

Kids in Church

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough of his antics.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 June 2009
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (28)

Try To Explain Women

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".
"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"
GOD says, "So you would like them."
"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"
"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.
The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"
GOD says, "So they would love you!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 12 September 2010
  • Currently 5.56/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (34)

Mo Mandel: Bought But Never Used

Our high school coach got caught with meth at a game. And he told the school that he had bought it, but never used it. Ive never bought drugs and not used them. Right? Theyre not condoms.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 September 2011
  • Currently 3.94/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (34)

Doc Steadman

Two men were standing at adjacent urinals when one said to the other, "I'll bet you were born in Newark, Ohio."

"Why, that's right!" said the second man in surprise.

"And I'll bet you were circumcised when you were three days old."

"Right again. But how'd you....."

"And I'll bet it was done by old Doc Steadman."

"Well, yes, but how did you know?" asked the second man in amazement.

"Well, old Doc always cut them at a sixty-degree angle," explained the first guy, "and you're pissing on my shoe."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 12 September 2011
  • Currently 4.68/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (31)

Hearing Aid

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 12 September 2012
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (28)

Signs Of Christmas

Toy ...

Signs Of Christmas

Toy Store: “Ho, ho, ho spoken here.”

Bridal boutique: “Marry Christmas.”

Outside a church: “The Original Christmas Club.”

At a department store: “Big pre-Christmas sale.
Come in and mangle with the crowd.”

A Texas jewelry store: “Diamond tiaras — $70,000.
Three for $200,000.

A reducing salon: “24 Shaping Days until Christmas.”

In a stationery store: “For the man who has everything…
a calendar to remind him when payments are due.”

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 12 September 2008
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (26)

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