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Jokes of the day for Friday, 27 September 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 27 September 2013

Infrequently

An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.

They decide it's finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work.

They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asks, rather tentatively.

"I would like it infrequently," replies the old lady.

old couple

The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: "Is that one word or two?"

#joke
  • Currently 4.56/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

Vertical living

“Vertical living is flat dwelling.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (21)

SLIDESHOW #46 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Really funny jokes-Smart reply

John seemed to be upset, so his colleague Aaron asked what was bugging him.
John replied, "It's about my mother-in-law."
Aaron asked, "What is the problem?"
John said, "My wife has asked me to buy a present for my mother-in-law's birthday. Come on, it's her mother after all, why can't she buy it? Why does she always have to pass on the responsibility to me?"

"What did you buy her last year?" Aaron asked.
John said, "Last year I bought her a very costly cemetery plot."
"Ohh....hard to top that one," said Aaron.
John thought and thought but could not come up with anything. So, nothing was bought for his mother-in-law's birthday.
When the big day arrived, she was a little upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for coming and for the wonderful gifts. It's a shame my daughter and son-in-law weren't so thoughtful!"
John, retorted, "Well, the gift we gave you last year is still unused!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (10)

Funny video of the day - Crazy pizza stealing cat

Crazy pizza stealing cat - Cat stole pizza. Growled and hissed when caught - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (13)

Two fish in a tank one says to...

Two fish in a tank one says to the other
"How do you drive this thing"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.80/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (10)

Funny Photo of the day - Surfing with your dad - priceless

Surfing with your dad - priceless - Sion Milosky surfing with his daughter | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.71/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (14)

The pharmacist

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the night." We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out after that. And I have a feeling that I'm going to get lucky, so you better give me the 12 pack. The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father was a pharmacist."

#joke
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (9)

Marriage And Man

Man is incomplete until he is married.
Then he is finished.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 7.10/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (29)

Letters to the Pastor

The following are actual questions written to pastors from children across the world.

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.

Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota

Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City

Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens

Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville

Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron

Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston

#joke
  • Currently 3.13/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (8)

Doggone It

What did the dog say when it sat on sandpaper?
Ruff!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (10)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 August 2013
  • Currently 5.27/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (102)

Faster than a speeding bullet....

Faster than a speeding bullet...more powerful than a locomotive...able to leap tall buildings in a single bound...yes, these are some of Chuck Norris' warm-up exercises.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 09 August 2011
  • Currently 2.36/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (47)

Moses on His Walkie Talkie

Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.
"When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.
"Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 March 2009
  • Currently 5.80/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (55)

When in a bar, you can order a...

When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 September 2011
  • Currently 2.48/10

Rating: 2.5/10 (50)

Bare back...

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, the Indian let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'yahoo' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service station attendant.

'Nothing,' shrugged the woman, 'I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians ride bareback...'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 September 2011
  • Currently 6.53/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (43)

The Race…

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, “When I see two men from the gas company running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 27 September 2011
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (13)

Ben Kronberg: Jesus Heals

Jesus heals cripples because heaven isnt wheelchair accessible. That sh*t was built way before wheelchairs. Besides, its a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 27 September 2012
  • Currently 3.31/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (13)

Dead Goldfish

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Cat and the Fishbowl iPhone wallpaper

Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 27 September 2012
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (12)

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