Jokes of the day for Monday, 07 October 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 07 October 2013
  • Currently 9.48/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (46)

“Did you hear about t...

“Did you hear about the man who was jabbed in the back with a set of keys? His back locked up.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

Six months to live

"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious patient. "You only have six months to live."

The man sat in stunned silence for several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically announced that he had no medical insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time," he said.

"OK," the doctor said. "let's make it nine months."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

Funny video of the day - Eating Chinese with Natasha Dmitrieva on wakeboard

Eating Chinese with Natasha Dmitrieva on wakeboard - What a skill, eating Chinese Food with chopsticks - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.85/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

Funny jokes-False teeth

Paul, the priest got himself a set of false teeth at the dental clinic.
The first Sunday after he got his new teeth, he spoke for only five minutes.
The next Sunday, he spoke for only ten minutes.
The Sunday after that, he spoke for three hours.
The congregation had to fight him to get him down from the pulpit and they were curious to know what made him talk so much.
Priest Paul explained the first Sunday his gums hurt real bad, so he couldn't talk for more than five minutes.
The second Sunday was no better and he managed to speak for just about ten minutes.
But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and found it impossible to shut up.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

Gas Price Comparison


Gas Prices vs ?
People have been complaining about the rising price of gasoline recently, but I have always thought that gas was a good value (especially if you were to take the $0.30, $0.40 per gallon tax off at the pump)! Obviously others need a little convincing. So the article in this week's "Autoweek" magazine brought it all to light. What if you were to buy a gallon of . . .

  1. - Diet Snapple 16 oz for $1.29 = $10.32 per gallon
  2. - Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz for $1.19 = $9.52 per gallon
  3. - Gatorade 20 oz for $1.59 = $10.17 per gallon
  4. - Ocean Spray 16 oz for $1.25 = $10.00 per gallon
  5. - Quart of Milk 16 oz for $1.59 = $6.32 per gallon
  6. - Evian (water) 9 oz for $1.49 = $21.19 per gallon
  7. - STP Brake Fluid 12 oz for $3.15 = $33.60 per gallon
  8. - Vicks Nyquil 6 oz for $8.35 = $178.13 per gallon
  9. - Pepto Bismol 4 oz for $3.85 = $123.20 per gallon
  10. - Whiteout 7 oz for $1.39 = $254.17 per gallon
  11. - Scope 1.5 oz for $0.99 = $84.84 per gallon

So next time you're at the pump, be glad your car doesn't run on Nyquil or Scope or Whiteout!

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.63/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Safest place on train to do your laptop stuff

Safest place on train to do your laptop stuff - Unless door opens | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (10)

Water to Wine

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York and gets

stopped for speeding in Connecticut.

The state trooper smells alcohol on the

minister's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the

floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the minister.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The minister looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's

done it again!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 August 2013
  • Currently 5.01/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (93)

Calculate the number 4436

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 4436 using numbers [1, 9, 8, 2, 79, 502] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Chuck Norris once punched a ma...

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 February 2012
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (16)

True or false?

A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 October 2010
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (27)

Pete Holmes: Uncool in Dreams

I cant seal the deal in my dreams. I hit on women in real life and theyre like, In your dreams. Im like, No. Not even there.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 October 2011
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (40)

Dirty Paddy

An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband. 'Paddy! Paddy!' she yelled.

Paddy came running in. 'Paddy I've suctioned myself to the floor,' she said.

'Ohhh nooo! Paddy said and tried to pull her up. 'You're just too heavy, love. I'll go across the road and get Shamus.'

Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up.

'Nope, I can't do it,' Shamus said, 'Let's try plan C.'

'Plan C?' exclaimed Paddy. 'What's that?'

'I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her.'

'Oh okay,' Paddy said. 'While you're doing that I'll stay here and play with her tits.'

'Play with her tits?' Shamus said. 'Why would you do that? This is hardly the time.'

Paddy replied, 'Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive to replace.'

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 07 October 2010
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (36)

Have faith...

A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.

"HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?" he shouted.

A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:

"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."

"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.

"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.

There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "IS THERE ANYONE ELSE UP THERE I COULD TALK TO?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 October 2008
  • Currently 5.65/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (31)

Why did the blonde t

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 07 October 2011
  • Currently 5.18/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (28)

Coma

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asks gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 October 2012
  • Currently 4.92/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (13)

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