Jokes of the day for Monday, 14 October 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 14 October 2013
  • Currently 9.62/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (71)

“Getting this job man...

“Getting this job managing a country estate has put me off fried eggs. I'm a gamekeeper turned poacher.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (9)

Success

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.
No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said. "Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."
On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.
On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted. Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again. When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.
"Who are you?" the man asked.

Ladder


"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - World’s Cutest Taekwondo Fight

World’s Cutest Taekwondo Fight - Two little Chinese girls (apparently twin sisters) engage in the most adorable taekwondo fight you’ll see today… - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.36/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (14)

Funny jokes-Last name

When I reached office late one morning, I got the message that someone called "Robert" had called for me from the bank regarding my company's current account.

Returning the call to my bank, the operator asked what Robert's last name was. I explained that he hadn't left his last name.
Then the operator asked for his department, and I said that I had no idea.
"There are 1250 employees in this building, sir," the operator informed me rather sharply.
So I asked her for her name.
"Bridgette," she said.
"And your last name?" I asked.
"Sorry," she replied, "it's company policy not to give last names."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (11)

It's all in the punctuation:...

It's all in the punctuation:
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Guy Biking with Gas Tank and Watermelon on Head - LEVEL PRO

Guy Biking with Gas Tank and Watermelon on Head - LEVEL PRO - Behold: the king of balance. | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (16)

Hair pulling....

A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...

"Now she knows."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (9)

Pickup lines

'The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place and spread the word...'

'Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?'

'I like every bone in your body especially mine... '

'My face is leaving in 15 minutes be on it...'

'Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?'

'I may not be Fred Flinstone, but I sure can make your bed rock...'

'Is that a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them?'

'When does your centerfold come out?'

'So do ya wanna see something really swell?'

'Is your name Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get...'

'You're like Pringles once I pop you, I can't stop you...'

'You have great legs, what time do they open?'

'If you were a car door, I would slam you all night long...'

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 3.11/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (9)

CINEMANIA: Guess the movie title

See negative of movie scene and guess the title. Length of words in solution: 3,6,2,7
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Safe Sex Lawyers

Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?

A: Their personalities.

#joke #short #lawyer
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.13/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (15)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 August 2013
  • Currently 5.01/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (93)

Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norr...

Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 15 October 2011
  • Currently 2.97/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (39)

Knock Knock Collection 143


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Othello!
Othello who?
Othello you thalked to me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Otis!
Otis who?
Otis a sin to tell a lie!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ottawa!
Ottawa who?
Ottawa know you're telling the truth?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Oewn!
Owen who?
Owen you open this door, I'm going to give you such a roasting!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Owl!
Owl who?
Owl Aboard!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 February 2009
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (24)

Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.
9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote.
8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.
7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.
4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools.
3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 14 October 2009
  • Currently 4.06/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (34)

When Chuck Norris watches a po...

When Chuck Norris watches a pot, it boils immediately.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 October 2011
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (34)

Hardware Store

Yo mamma is like a hardware store 10 cents a screw!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 October 2011
  • Currently 3.55/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (33)

Rich Vos: Best Relationship Ever

The best relationship I ever had -- I used to go out with a homeless girl. Yeah, it was great cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 14 October 2011
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (30)

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