Jokes of the day for Monday, 21 October 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 21 October 2013
  • Currently 9.44/10

Rating: 9.4/10 (63)

“The pilot was a lone...

“The pilot was a loner but even for him flying a drone was just too remote.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous jokes on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (8)

Four Surgeons

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on.
The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order".
The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order".
The third surgeon said, "I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.
The fourth surgeon said, "I like operating on lawyers".
The other three surgeons looked at each other in disbelief. One of them asked why.

Surgeons at work
The fourth surgeon replied, "Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable".

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (9)

Really funny jokes-Things to remember during War

War jokes

1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
7. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation.
8. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.
9. You are not Tom Cruise.
10. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.
11. If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.
12. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.
13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
14. Smart bombs have bad days too.
15. The best defense is to stay out of range.
16. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 2.43/10

Rating: 2.4/10 (7)

An Antartican suddenly realize...

An Antartican suddenly realizes his house is on fire. He immediately dials 9-1-1.
The fireman answers, "Yes may I help you?"
The Antartican replies, "My house is on fire, come quick!!!"
The fireman asks, "How do we get there?"
The Antartican says, "Duh, big red truck!"
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Arrived safely...

Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an e-mail back home to his wife, Jennifer to let her know he had arrived safely.

Unfortunately, he miss typed a letter and the e-mail ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away.

The preacher's wife took one look at the e-mail and promptly fainted. When she was finally revived, she nervously pointed to the message, which read: "Arrived safely, but it sure is hot down here."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 2.17/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (6)

A Collection Of Insults


A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


Watches "Beavis and Butthead" to learn vocabulary.
Watching programs not listed in TV Guide.
We're all missing cards from our decks -- and different cards, too.
Went in for repairs but wasn't tightened with a torque wrench.
Went to the dentist to have his cranial cavity filled.
When he was compiled they forgot to #include [smarts.h]/[iq.h]/[charm.h].
When they handed out brains he got the short end of the stick.
When they said "drain", he thought they said "brain".
Whole lotta choppin', but no chips a flyin'.
Wise as the world is flat.
With one more neuron he'd have a synapse.
Won't eat eggs because he believes the "This is your brain" ads.
Would make an excellent illustration in a proctology textbook.
Wouldn't make any sense if she ever made sense.
Zero K memory

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (6)

Which is a winning combination of digits?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Frog Crossing Road

Why did the frog cross the road?

It didn't. It got ran over halfway across.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (10)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 August 2013
  • Currently 5.01/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (93)

News headlines 04

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Air Head Fired

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

Deer Kill 17,000

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

War Dims Hope for Peace

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 20 June 2012
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (27)

If, by some incredible space-t...

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 May 2011
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (36)

A lawyer walks into a bar and ...

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.

"Well," said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."

"Let me have it," said the lawyer. Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. "Yes," he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but i don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"

"From my nose," the drunk replied.

#joke #lawyer #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 October 2009
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (59)

Free advice at social affairs?

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and remarked, "I never know how to handle the situation when I'm asked for medical advice during a social function. Is it acceptable to send a bill for such advice?" The lawyer replied that it was certainly acceptable to do so.

The next day, the doctor sent the ulcer-stricken man a bill. The lawyer also sent one to the doctor.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 October 2011
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (37)

There were two guys working fo...

There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole -- he would dig, dig, dig.
The other would come behind him and fill the hole -- fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously; one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.
A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn't believe how hard these men were working, but couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally he had to ask them.
He said to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"
The hole digger replied, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 October 2009
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (27)

Damon Wayans: Bicycle Cop

I got pulled over by a bicycle cop in L.A. -- not a motorcycle cop, a bicycle cop. And Im in my car, and he gets out -- hes sweating, hes got these little shorts on. You know how fast you were going? Yeah, a lot faster than that bike.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 October 2011
  • Currently 4.70/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (27)

Under a tack ....

Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of the truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another office had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

"I'm sorry, Sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."

Amazed, the driver demanded to know the reason.

The trooper replied . . . "Tacks evasion."

#joke #policeman
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 21 October 2011
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (15)

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