Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 06 November 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 06 November 2013
  • Currently 9.56/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (64)

“The boy who got elec...

“The boy who got electrocuted was unable to give a statement because he was still shocked at the incident.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Train Test

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there", answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then," Tom continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Tom, "in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.89/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Epic Bowling Fail

Epic Bowling Fail - Dutch guy goes bowling, ends up doing ... - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.36/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (11)

Definitely stupid

You are definitively stupid:

If you visit an ice cream parlor instead of a chemist when your girlfriend says she loves chocolate flavor.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.14/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (7)

A duck walked into a bakery on...

A duck walked into a bakery one day and asked for a pork chop.
The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."
So the duck left.
The following day the duck went back and asked again.
This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feet
to the floor."
The following day the duck returned and asked, "Have you any nails?"
The baker replied, "No." And the duck said, "Well, I'll have two pork chops then."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Weightlifting puppy

Weightlifting puppy - Prepering for the Olimpics | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Things that make you go hmmmmmm...

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?

Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as '4's'?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How can there be self-help 'groups'?

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

Keeping A High Profile In An Office


Never write a note or memo if you can phone or visit instead; everyone wants to talk whenever you're ready.
Don't sit down to talk. The acoustics are better the higher you are, and remember that most people are a bit deaf so speak up louder!
Try to talk with _at least_ three people between you and your listener, so that they don't feel left out.
The very best place for a conversation is in the corridor, beside someone else's desk. If the corridor is full, try leaning against their cupboard or hanging over their screen.
Never warn people of your approach by knocking on their desk or cupboard. People love surprises, especially if they're busy.
The best time to disturb someone is when they look thoughtful or are concentrating. It's your _duty_ to give them a break now and again.
To make sure that _you_ get regular breaks, never use a "Do No Disturb" sign. When other people use them they're only joking.
Always hold meetings around a desk. If you book a conference room everyone will think you've got something to hide.
If the phone isn't answered after four rings, hang on. Someone will answer it eventually, and they might like a chat, too.
Never divert calls if you're leaving your desk. Your telephone could get into bad habits.
Try to whistle, hum or tap your fingers while you work. It is a comfort to others to know that you're still there.
If you have to design the office layout, remember to leave lots of wide-open spaces so that we can see and hear each other right across the floor.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (7)

What a winning combination?

The computer chose a secret code (sequence of 4 digits from 1 to 6). Your goal is to find that code. Black circles indicate the number of hits on the right spot. White circles indicate the number of hits on the wrong spot.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Barmen

Our lager,

Which art in barrels,

Hallowed be thy drink,

Thy will be drunk (I will be drunk),

At home as it is in the pub.

Give us this day our foamy head,

And forgive us our spillages,

As we will forgive those who spill against us.

And lead us not to incarceration,

But deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer, the bitter and the lager.

For ever and ever.

Barmen.

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (17)

Mimes

What's black and white and red all over?

Mimes in a chainsaw fight.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

A grasshopper walks into a bar...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!'

The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'
#joke #short #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 10 August 2013
  • Currently 5.01/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (93)

When Chuck Norris wants an egg...

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 November 2012
  • Currently 2.89/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (9)

A blonde and a lawyer are seat...

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?

The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and, if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Okay says the lawyer, your turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer? "Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

#joke #blonde #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 06 November 2009
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (50)

Filming on location for Walker...

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
#joke #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 November 2011
  • Currently 4.42/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (36)

Not me!

A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a large evening ashore.

As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself.

Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting!"

The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why.

"Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he?d also shit in your pants."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 November 2010
  • Currently 4.10/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (21)

A cold winter night

Lorenzo Dow, an evangelist of the last century, was on a preaching tour when he came to a small town one cold winter's night.

He entered the local general store to get some warmth, and saw the town's lawyers gathered around the pot-bellied stove, discussing the town's business. Not one offered to allow Dow into the circle.

Dow told the men who he was, and that he had recently had a vision where he had been given a tour of Hell, much like the traveler in Dante's Inferno.

When one of the lawyers asked him what he had seen, he replied, "Very much what I see here: All of the lawyers, gathered in the hottest place."

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 06 November 2011
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (12)

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