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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 07 November 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 07 November 2013

“When the investor ca...

“When the investor came home from work he was spent.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (6)

Really funny jokes-American Pizza in Japan

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on pizza what you order: pepper only."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.60/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (5)

SLIDESHOW #6 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Government vs. Mafia

What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?

One of them is organized.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - Ultimate Martial Arts Fails Compilation 2013

Ultimate Martial Arts Fails Compilation 2013 - Latest funny Martial Arts fails - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.63/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (8)

The annulment...

Ole and Lena had married under none too happy circumstances, and their married life had not been anything to brag about either. But when, after they had been lived together for thirty five years, Ole went to the local judge to ask for an annulment, the whole of Middleton gasped with amazement.

A date for the hearing was set, however, and when the time came the judge demanded to know the grounds on which Ole based his demand for an annulment.

"It's like this, your Honor," answered Ole, "I've just learned that Lena's father never had a license to carry a gun."

#joke
  • Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Fry safely

Fry safely - Don't take any risks! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (12)

Robert Schmidt 09

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.

Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird.

I bought a portable cable TV.

Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.

I liked "Slaughterhouse 5", but I can't find the first four anywhere.

A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant tablets. All they found was a pile of dust.

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.

Despite decades of market research, markets proliferate and there's no cure in sight.

I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.

#joke
  • Currently 5.43/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (7)

Cotton Candy

So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn.

He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible.

The man walks up to the boy and says "You know son, it's really not healthy to eat all that candy."

The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old."

The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own fucking business."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 21 February 2013
  • Currently 5.26/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (50)

The Car Wash

A church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money for a special trip to Bethlehem.
They made a large sign that read: CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP. On the scheduled Saturday, business was very good. But, by two o'clock the sky clouded, the rain poured, and there were hardly any customers.Finally, one of the soprano singers had an idea. She printed a very large poster with the words: WE WASH. GOD RINSES. (Next to the words was an arrow pointing skyward.)
Business boomed!

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 07 November 2012
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (9)

Some boy scouts from the city ...

Some boy scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They're coming after us with flashlights.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 08 June 2011
  • Currently 3.31/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (13)

Count from one to ten. That's ...

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...47 times.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 02 May 2011
  • Currently 3.06/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (17)

A Collection Of Insults

A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


Doesn't have his belt through all the loops.
Doesn't have sixteen annas to the rupee.
Doesn't have the brain power to toast a crouton.
Doesn't have the sense God gave an animal cracker.
Doesn't have two neurons to rub together.
Doesn't just know nothing; doesn't even suspect much.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. -- Billing
Doesn't know which side the toast is buttered on.
Doesn't put the cross-hairs on the target.
Doesn't quite sample at the Nyquist rate.
Doesn't suffer from ear pressure when flying at altitude.
Donated her body to scientists... Before she was done using it.
Downhill skiing in Iowa.
Driveway doesn't quite reach the garage.
Driving at night with the lights off.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 October 2010
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (10)

A young boy had just gotten hi...

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study & said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little & get your hair cut, & we'll talk about it."

After about a month, the boy came back & again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment & replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, & even Jesus had long hair ..." To which his father replied, "Yes, & they WALKED every where they went too!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 November 2009
  • Currently 6.45/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (67)

Tom Shillue: Pose for a Painting

When I meet a girl, I ask her to pose nude for a painting Im doing because thats a very good way to get her to sleep with me.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 November 2011
  • Currently 2.15/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (60)

Ed Helms: Watching the New York City Marathon

I went and watched the New York City Marathon. It goes right by my apartment in Brooklyn, and I went with a group of friends. And all my friends are cheering for the runners; theyre like, Whoo! Good job! Way to go! Keep it up, youre lookin good! Great job! I was like, You dont have to do that! Thats unnecessary! You know what? Ive got a bike, you can take it. Better yet, come inside -- Ive got air conditioning; my roommate made some guacamole, its awesome; we rented Meatballs.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 November 2010
  • Currently 2.59/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (49)

Blonde Horse Sense

A blonde buys two horses and she can't tell them apart. So she asks the farmer next door what to do. He says to cut one of their tails off. So she does. But then the other horse's tail gets caught in a bush and rips off. So she can't tell them apart again.

She asks the farmer for advice a second time. He tells her to cut one of the horses ears. So she does. But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence.

She is still confused. She asks the farmer what to do. He tells her to measure them.

She comes back and says, "The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!"

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 07 November 2011
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (16)

Paper-Eating Dog

A minister delivered a sermon in 10 minutes one Sunday morning, which was about half the usual length of his sermons. He explained, "I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning."After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher and said, "Reverend, if that dog of yours has any pups, I want to give one to my minister."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 January 2012
  • Currently 7.08/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (39)

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