Jokes of the day for Friday, 15 November 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 15 November 2013
  • Currently 9.68/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (68)

The loan....

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.40. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is: why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"

#joke
  • Currently 3.83/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (6)

five surgeons

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable."

#joke
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

“A summer is a mathem...

“A summer is a mathematician.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Really funny jokes-Speeding cars

A village was facing a problem of speeding cars resulting in accidents every now and then.

The local council could not afford a speed camera, so they put up a sign saying:
Slow down Old People's Home. It had no effect.

At the next meeting, it was decided to work on the paternal instincts and put up a sign:
Danger - Children at Play.
No discernible reduction in traffic speed.

Then the chairman had a brain-wave and suggested they try a sign with:
Cloth-less Colony.

As a result of the notice, white vans and lorries crawl throughout the village now.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

Funny Photo of the day - Nutella Burger mmmm

Nutella Burger mmmm - Warm donut, nutella mousse, passion fruit gelatin, fresh strawberries and fresh mint | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (10)

Two coworkers were talking by ...

Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain one guy said, "Today I got through the first step of getting divorced." The second guy replies, "Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim? Everyone goes to him for divorces." The first man replies, "No, I just got married".
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (6)

Beautiful?

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.40/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (5)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A-B+C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (11, 12, 18, 24, 25, 26, 27, 31, 33, 86, 96) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A-B+C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Why The Left Breast Is Bugger?

Q: Why do 99% of the girls have a bigger left breast?
A: Coz ...99% of the guys are right handed!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (7)

The godfather

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is'. The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is?

The bookkeeper signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking about'. The attorney tells the Godfather: 'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about'. The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again'! The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill you if you don't tell him'! The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens'!

The Godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he say'? The attorney replies: 'He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger'.

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 25 July 2012
  • Currently 3.94/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (16)

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the...

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 December 2011
  • Currently 2.68/10

Rating: 2.7/10 (40)

Moving Testimony

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 September 2010
  • Currently 2.98/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (42)

A burglar broke into a house o...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses," the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"
The bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 November 2009
  • Currently 6.65/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (63)

Nuns at the Hospital

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 November 2011
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (37)

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he...

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 November 2011
  • Currently 3.21/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (34)

Angelic Assistance?

An old-time pastor was riding furiously down the road, hurrying to get to church on time. Suddenly, his horse stumbled and threw him to the ground.
Lying in the dirt, his body wracked with pain, the pastor called out, "All you angels in heaven, help me get up on my horse!"
With extraordinary strength, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side.
From the ground again, he called out, "All right, just half of you angels this time!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 November 2009
  • Currently 7.08/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (24)

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