Jokes of the day for Friday, 22 November 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 22 November 2013
  • Currently 9.52/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (64)

Blood flow

A physical instructor was giving practical demonstrations of various physical positions. He stood on his head and blood ran to his head making his face turn red. Later he asked: “When I turned upside down, blood ran to my face. Now tell me, why the same thing does not happen when I am on my feet?”

A back bencher replied: “May be because your feet are not empty?”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (9)

“What happened to the...

“What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (18)

Funny video of the day - Honor Guard Fails Compilation

Honor Guard Fails Compilation - After the Ukrainian’s honor guard fail earlier this week, Uniformedia put together a video compilation of the best ceremonial guard fails out there - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (12)

We work by results...

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of New York City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (9)

Missouri Crazy Law


  • It is not illegal to speed. (Repealed)

    Buckner


  • In this small town of only 4,000, yard waste may be burned any day except Sunday.

    Excelsior Springs


  • Worrying squirrels is not tolerated.
  • Hard objects may not be thrown by hand.

    Kansas City


  • Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.
  • Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely.

    Marceline


  • Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.

    Marquette


  • It is illegal for more than four unrelated persons to occupy the same dwelling (The Brothel Law).

    Mole


  • Frightening a baby is in violation of the law.

    Natchez


  • It shall be unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to elephants.

    Purdy


  • Dancing is strictly prohibited.

    St. Louis


  • It's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket. This law refers back to the extinct Italian celebration, Hill Day, when beer was served in buckets.
  • A milk man may not run while on duty.

    University City


  • Four women may not rent an apartment together.

    #joke #beer
  • Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
    • Currently 3.33/10

    Rating: 3.3/10 (6)

    Funny Photo of the day - Duck holder

    Duck holder - Necessary for every car | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
    • Currently 4.91/10

    Rating: 4.9/10 (11)

    Little girl

    A French woman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male.

    'What is that?' asked the child pointing to the penis.

    'Nothing, nothing at all, cherie,' replied the mother.

    'I want one,' said the child.

    The mother tried to focus her daughter's attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted.

    'I want one just like that,' she kept repeating.

    At last the mother said, 'if you are a good girl and stop thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one.'

    'And if I'm bad?' asked the little one.

    'Then,' sighed the mother, 'you will have many.'

    #joke
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
    • Currently 3.71/10

    Rating: 3.7/10 (7)

    Close Enough For Government

    Three young boys were fighting over whose dad was the best:

    "My dad is so good he can shoot an arrow, run after it, get in front of it, and catch it in his bare hands."

    "My dad is so good that he can shoot a gun, run after the bullet, get in front of it and catch it in his bare hands."

    "I've got you both beat. My dad's so good because he works for the city. He gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30."

    #joke
    Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
    • Currently 4.56/10

    Rating: 4.6/10 (9)

    Find number abc

    If 3a131 - c0c6c = 1486b find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
    CHECK ANSWER
    Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

    Outdone

    A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workers.

    After several minutes, Morris had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said: "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

    "You're on, old man," the braggart replied: "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

    Wheel Barrow with Two Wheels

    Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

    #joke
    Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
    • Currently 3.63/10

    Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

    A Dollar for Sunday School

    A little boy came home eating a big candy bar. Seeing the candy bar, his mother remembered he had already spent all his allowance money. Surprised, she asked him where he got it.
    "I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said."But that dollar was for Sunday School," his mother replied.
    Smiling, the boy said, "I know, Mom, but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 29 August 2012
    • Currently 4.17/10

    Rating: 4.2/10 (12)

    Contrary to popular belief, th...

    Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
    #joke #short #chucknorris
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 February 2012
    • Currently 3.38/10

    Rating: 3.4/10 (32)

    A little boy opened the big an...

    A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages.

    "Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered:

    "It's Adam's suit!!!!!"

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 November 2009
    • Currently 4.67/10

    Rating: 4.7/10 (58)

    Southwest

    A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
    The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
    So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
    The boy said, "yes she did."
    "Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 22 November 2012
    • Currently 8.32/10

    Rating: 8.3/10 (19)

    Halloween party

    A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

    She asks him why is he staring and he replies,

    'I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you.'

    She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

    'Well,' the cab driver says, 'I've always had a fantasy that a nun performs oral sex on me.'

    She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that. First, you have to be single, and secondly, you must be Catholic.'

    The cab driver is very excited and says,

    'Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!'

    The nun says, 'OK, pull into the next alley.'

    He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy.

    But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child, why are you crying?' says the nun.

    'Forgive me sister, but I have sinned,' says the cabby. 'I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

    The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.'

    #joke #halloween
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 November 2010
    • Currently 4.89/10

    Rating: 4.9/10 (19)

    No room at the inn...

    By the time the sailor pulled into a little town every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

    "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.

    I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."

    "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope. I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy.

    "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

    "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight beautiful,'

    ...and he sat up all night watching me."

    #joke
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 November 2010
    • Currently 6.33/10

    Rating: 6.3/10 (18)

    Getting implants is Pa...

    Getting implants is Parton parcel of being a outhern music belle.
    #joke #short
    Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 22 November 2010
    • Currently 6.15/10

    Rating: 6.2/10 (13)

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