Jokes of the day for Thursday, 19 December 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 19 December 2013
  • Currently 9.58/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (26)

Belated confession

A man in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his priest.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” he said. “During World War II, I hid a refugee in my attic."

"Well," said the priest. "That's not a sin."

"But I made him agree to pay me $20 for every week he stayed," the man explained.

"I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause," the priest replied.

"Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind,” the man said. “I have one more question, though."

"What is that, my son?" the priest inquired.

"Do I have to tell him the war is over?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 3.92/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (12)

Teacher jokes-Zero

Mark: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.


Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.09/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (11)

“I used to enjoy stea...

“I used to enjoy steak and cheese with my eggs, but it's all ova now.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (6)

Another miracle....

A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

And the minister says, "Just water."

The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (8)

My Darling Husband

Dear John,

I am sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your IBM computer entered our lives two years ago.

The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and the back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him.

Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out.

I am also doing well. I went blonde about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really is more fun. Lars--I mean Mr. Swenson, the department head, has taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all. I have discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed around, although that feather duster does make you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut air holes in the drop cloth so you wouldn't smother. Well, dear, I must be going. Uncle Lars - Mr. Swenson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of thing while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup, and bring your meals to your desk, -just the way you like it. I hope you and IBM have a lovely time while we are gone.

Tommy, Jen and I think of you often - try to remember us while your disks are booting.

Love, Angela.

#joke #blonde
Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 4.29/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (7)

Threat or Promise

A woman walks up to an obnoxious drunk at a bar and tells him, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your drink."

The man replies, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (4)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A+B*C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (3, 5, 6, 23, 25, 26, 30, 48, 64, 66, 67) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A+B*C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The Great Wall of China was or...

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 May 2011
  • Currently 3.30/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (20)

The products which we offer are handcrafted items made of natural materials such as finest quality wool from the Sharr Mountains, silk, cotton and lace. It is all blended with natural soap....and...creativity. Here are some beautiful and unique fashion accessories.

Cat Jokes 09


Q: What does a lion brush his mane with?

A: A catacomb!


Q: What noise does a cat make going down the highway?

A: Miaooooooooooooooooooow!


Q: What do you get if cross a cat with a canary?

A: Shredded tweet!


Q: Why do tomcats fight?

A: Because they like raising a stink!


Q: Why is a crazy marmalade cat like a biscuit?

A: They are both ginger nuts!


Q: What is white, sugary, has whiskers and floats on the sea?

A: A catameringue!


Q: On what should you mount a statue of your cat?

A: A caterpillar!


Q: What do you get if cross a Tomcat with a Pekingese?

A: A Peking Tom!





#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 23 July 2008
  • Currently 3.27/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (11)

Police officer pulled this ...

Police officer pulled this guy over for speeding and told him that his eyes were bloodshot, and asked him if he'd been drinking. The guy said "Your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 19 December 2009
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (46)

Question and answer blond jokes

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?

A: They can't remember the number.

Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?

A: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: "What's a lightbulb?"

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Q: How do you get rid of blondes?

A: Form a circle, give each blonde a gun, and tell them they are a firing squad.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10bill. Who picks it up?

A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10bill. Who picks it up?

A: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 December 2011
  • Currently 4.47/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (17)

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the...

Chuck Norris doesn't go on the Internet, he has every site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 December 2011
  • Currently 3.21/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (14)

Christmas jokes-Afraid of Santa Claus

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic!
#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 December 2011
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (10)

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