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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 24 December 2013

“How do construction ...

“How do construction workers party? They raise the roof.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (10)

History jokes-Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus was the best deal maker in history. He left not knowing where he was going, and upon arriving, not knowing where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on borrowed money.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.94/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (17)

SLIDESHOW #46 - Funny Photo Slideshow

A man and his wife are sitting...

A man and his wife are sitting at the kitchen table, which is next to the window. The man's name is Rudolph, and since he is Russian, people call him "Rudolph the Red." Rudolph looked out the window and said to his wife, "Oh look honey, it's raining outside." She looks out as well and says, "No, I think that is snow." He looks at her and says, "Rudolph the red knows rain dear."
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.23/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (13)

Funny video of the day - Awkward Family Christmas Photos

Awkward Family Christmas Photos - Christmas spirit can be funny - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 3.36/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (11)

Three hymns

A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him.

The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

#joke
  • Currently 2.83/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Not everyone is as excited about Christmas

Not everyone is as excited about Christmas - Grumpy cat would be jealous of him! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 3.91/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (11)

Closed

Why did the blonde freeze to death at the drive-in?

She went to see "Closed for the season."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Yisman

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 3.63/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (8)

Caught For Speeding


The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 4.11/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (9)

West Virginia State Flower

What's the state flower of West Virginia?

A satellite dish.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (10)

Plaster of Parish

A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."
Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder.
He promptly stood back up and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000."
Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge."He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head.
He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!"
This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 24 December 2012
  • Currently 4.38/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (8)

A blonde and a redhead met in ...

A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.
The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!'
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.'
The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'.
So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'.
The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!'
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 December 2009
  • Currently 6.35/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (48)

Christmas Eve Accident

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in.The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
"They're Carol's."

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 December 2009
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (35)

Dwayne Kennedy: Christmas Shopping

I tried to go Christmas shopping last year, but I didnt have no money. I just went window-shopping with a brick.
#joke #short #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 24 December 2010
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (35)

Chuck Norris only has one hand...

Chuck Norris only has one hand. The upper hand.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 24 December 2011
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (13)

Dane Cook: In the Year 3000

In the year 3000, everything will be instant... but the DMV will still take, like, nine f**king seconds.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 15 July 2011
  • Currently 4.59/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (44)

Nuns on the Highway

A cop pulls over a car full of nuns.

The cop says, “Sister, the speed limit on this highway is 55 mph. Why are you going so slow?”
Sister replies, “I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55.”
The cop says, “Sister, that’s the name of the highway, not the speed limit.”
“Silly me,” the embarrassed nun says. “Thanks for letting me know. I’ll be more careful.”

But then the cop glances in the back seat where the other nuns are quaking with fear.
He asks, “Excuse me, Sister, what’s wrong with your friends?”
Sister says, “Oh, we just got off Highway 101.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Belief net - Joke of the day, features on religion, spirituality, faith
  • Currently 5.45/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (11)

Pet Monkey

Guy in a bar playing pool has a pet monkey. Monkey jumps onto the table, grabs the cue ball and stuffs it into his mouth and swallows it. Bartender freaks and starts yelling about how much cue balls cost , etc. The guy tries to calm him down and tells him the monkey will pass it in the next day or so and he'll wash it off real well and bring it back.
Sure enough the guy and the monkey come back into the bar and gave the bartender his cue ball back. Meanwhile the monkey reaches into the peanut bowl, grabs a nut, sticks it in his butt--then eats it. The bartender stares at the monkey who continues to repeat this action again and again. So he asks the guy, "what's up with that?"
"What?"
"your monkey keeps grabbing peanuts one at a time and sticking them in his butt then eating them."
"Oh, that---well, ever since the pool ball incident, he has to measure everything before he eats it."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 February 2013
  • Currently 7.17/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (6)

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