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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 26 December 2013

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 26 December 2013

“Why did the car cros...

“Why did the car cross the river with the boat? It was a ford escort.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Funny jokes-Safe and sound

Husband returned from office and wife drew a breath of relief: “Thank lord. Good that you are safe and sound.”

Husband: “Why, what's wrong?”

Wife: “A few persons were talking near our window that a dumb looking man got crushed under a car.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.25/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (8)

SLIDESHOW #119 - Funny Photo Slideshow

How can this be? Scientists sa...

How can this be? Scientists say the world began with a Big Bang 13 billion years ago. All mankind got hit on the back of the head, and now astronomers see stars Millions of Light years away.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.22/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Orchid Mantis - Super PINK!

Orchid Mantis - Super PINK! - The orchid mantis is a species of mantis from the rain forests of southeast Asia that camouflages itself like an orchid flower to lure its insect prey. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (12)

Breaking The Silence

Brother John entered the 'Monastery of Silence' and the Chief Priest said, "Brother, this is a silent monastery, you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."

Brother John lived in the monastery for a full year before the Chief Priest said to him:

"Brother John, you have been here a year now, you may speak two words."

Brother John said, "Hard Bed."

"I'm sorry to hear that" the Chief Priest said. "We will get you a better bed."

The next year, Brother John was called by the Chief Priest. "You may say another two words Brother John."

"Cold Food." said Brother John, and the Chief Priest assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his third anniversary at the monastery, the Chief Priest again called Brother John into his office. "Two words you may say today."

"I Quit." said Brother John.

"It is probably best." said the Chief Priest. "All you have done since you got here is complain."

#joke
  • Currently 3.56/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (9)

Funny Photo of the day - Safe laguage transport

Safe laguage transport - Just don't drive behind this guy | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.85/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (13)

Insults 1

Moonlight becomes you - total darkness even more!

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?

No one will ever know that you've had a lobotomy, if you wear a wig to

hide to the scars and learn to control the slobbering.

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years

old before you learned how to wave good-bye.

Submitted by Glaci

Edited by Curtis

#joke
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (8)

Florida Orange Growers

Q: Why did Florida orange growers offer O.J. Simpson $3 million?
A: To change his name to Apple Juice.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.57/10

Rating: 3.6/10 (7)

Do You Reject the Devil?

A priest came to a dying author to read him his last rites.
"Do you reject the devil?" asked the priest.
"This is no time to be making enemies," replied the author.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 30 March 2009
  • Currently 4.83/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (40)

I Get No Respect 04


"I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said... Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said.. No..I hate myself now."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her belly button made an echo."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code."
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had a dress with a sign on the back saying...Caution Wide Load."
"My girlfriend was so fat her clothes were made by Omar the tent maker"
"One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas"
"I had a girlfriend that was so fat her bikini was made out of two bed sheets."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... her mother ripped in two when she had her."
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that... She uses a septic tank for a toilet."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 12 March 2009
  • Currently 3.78/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (9)

A young blonde was on vacation...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 December 2009
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (72)

Sexy Poem

sex is when a guys communication,

enters a girls information

to increse the population

for a younger genertion

do you get the information

or do you need a demonstaration

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 December 2009
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (35)

Blonde and Pizza

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She responded, ''Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.''

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 26 December 2010
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (30)

An Extremely Loyal Football Fan #joke #football

There was a Packers fan with a really terrible seat at Lambeau Field. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.
When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"
The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan."
The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 December 2009
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (9)

TIME

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

“Yes?”

“Excuse me, sir,” the jogger said, “do you have the time?”

The man looked at the car clock and answered, “8:15″. The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.

“Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?”

“8:25!”

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, “I do not know the time!”

Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

“Sir, sir? It's 8:45!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 September 2008
  • Currently 7.36/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (11)

Tractor Salesman

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.
"What's up, John?" asked the farmer.
"Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."
"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.
"How do you figure?" asked John.
"Well, John - you know my ornery cow, Bessie? I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face. So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter. Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away! So I tied her leg to the wall. Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me! But I was out of rope. So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall. Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down.
And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow, I'll buy a tractor from you TODAY!"

#joke #beer
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (8)

Whom should i marry? Marry the one who…

Whom should i marry? Marry the one who…
#joke #short
  • Currently 6.17/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (6)

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