Why was the orange s...
“Why was the orange sad? He had peelings for the apple.”
Really funny jokes-Know Your Taters
They are called 'Spec Taters'.
Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.
They are called 'Comment Taters'.
Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands.
They are called 'Dick Taters'.
Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.
They are called 'Aggie Taters'.
There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help.
They are called 'Hezzie Taters'.
Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.
They are called 'Immy Taters'.
Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.
They are called 'Sweet Po Taters'.
Funny video of the day - Best News Bloopers of 2013
Gimme all your money...
A man was walking down a street in Washington. A man walking behind him suddenly pulled out a gun and said, "Gimme all your money, now!"
The victim said, "You can't do this to me! I'm a Congressman!"
The robber thought for a moment, then said, "In that case, gimme all of MY money!"
Yo Mamayo mama is so ugly that when she walked into the kitchen, rats jumped on the table and started to scream
St. Paul vs. Minneapolis
Q: Why did everyone in Minneapolis quit going to church and lose their faith?
A: There are a dozen or so pages in the Bible about St. Paul, but nothing about Minneapolis.
Find the right combination
Two guys were riding in a car,...Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville." They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly." The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."
A little boy asked his teacher...A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom,so she said yes. When he went to wipe his bum there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class his teacher asked, 'What do you have in your hand.'The boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away.'
He was then sent to the principals office and the principal asked him, 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent home and his mom asked him 'What do you have in your hand.'
So the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away.' He was sent to his room and his dad came in and said, 'What do you have in your hand.' So again the little boy said, 'A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he get scared away.'
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, 'Open your hands!'
And the little boy said, 'Look Dad you scared the crap out of him.'
Josh Sneed: After-Christmas SaleI was walking back through this mall in January; there was a girl in front of Victorias Secret who stopped me. She was like, Hey, hows it going? I was like, Good, how are you? She goes, Well, Im curious, are you shopping for a wife or girlfriend today? I was like, No, why? She goes, Well, were having this after-Christmas sale, and all our bras are 50% off. And I go, I like when your bras are 100% off.
Blonde Sheep WinnerThere was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
She asked the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?"
He replied "Sure!"
Out of the blue, she blurts out, "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She looks and searches and finally picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says, "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back!"
Newest Son-In-Law #jokeA very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations."
The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise."
"I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations."
"I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day."
"Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"
"Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out."