Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 08 January 2014
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 08 January 2014 |
“I wanted to bring a ...
“I wanted to bring a penguin home but my parents said that wasn't going to fly.”
A man goes on a 2-month busine...
A man goes on a 2-month business trip to Europe and leaves his cat with his brother. Three days before his return he calls his brother.Brother 1: So how is my cat doing?
Brother 2: He's Dead
Brother 1: He's Dead! What do you mean He's Dead! I loved that cat. Couldn't you think of a nicer way to tell me! I'm leaving in 3 days. You could of broke me to the news easier. You could of told me today that she got out of the house or something. Then when I called before I left you could of told me, Well, we found her but she is up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down. Then when I call you from the airport you could of told me, The Fire Department was there and scared her off the roof and the cat died when it hit the ground.
Brother 2: I'm sorry...you're right...that was insensitive I won't let it happen again.
Brother 1: Alright, alright, forget about it. Anyway, how is Mom doing?
Brother 2: She's up on the roof and we're having trouble getting her down.
Funny video of the day - What To Do When It's Really Cold Outside
Kittens....
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it was printed on the bottom."
The Twelve Days of Windows 95
On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .Windows 95 for my PC
On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 9th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
9 apps a crashin'
8 megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
12 illegal operations
11 instructions faulty
10 modes not supported
9 apps a crashin'
8 Megs overflowin'
7 files missin'
6 ints conflictin'
5 eighty six
4 sectors bad
3 ports not responding
2 GPFs
and Windows 95 for my PC
Chuck Norris knows what the do...
Chuck Norris knows what the double rainbow means.A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
Lord, walk beside me with your arm on my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
Request Before Death
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain.
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"
A wife woke in the middle of t...
A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up in the corner, of the basement,... crying like a baby. "Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to either marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!"
What Their Daddy's Do
A third grade teacher asked her students to, one by one, stand in front of the class and tell what their Daddy's do. Little Mary went first,
“My daddy is a doctor and he saves people's lives”
“That's wonderful Mary. Now how about you Jane, what does your daddy do?”
“My daddy is a lawyer and he puts bad people in jail,” says Jane
“Very good Jane. Ok Johnny, what does your daddy do?”
“My daddy is dead” says Johnny
“Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that Johnny,” said the teacher, “what did he do before he died?”
“He turned blue and shit on the carpet”
Black Fellah to White Fella...
Black Fellah to White FellahDear white fellah,
There's a coupla tings you orta no.
Firstly
Wen I am born, I'm black.
Wen I grow up, I'm black.
Wen I get sick, I'm black.
Wen I'm cold, I'm black.
Wen I go out in the sun, I'm black.
And wen I get scared, I'm black.
And wen I die, yes, I'm still black.
But you white fellah ....
Wen you born, you pink.
Wen you grow up, you white.
Wen you get sick, you green
Wen you cold, you go blue.
Wen you go out in the sun, you go red.
And wen you get scared, you yellah.
And wen you die, you purple
And you call me coloured !!
Tom Papa: Guy in a Speedo
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you. Ice isn't frozen water, it's w...
Ice isn't frozen water, it's water that is scared stiff by Chuck Norris.The Police Academy
Three guys, a Polish guy, a Jewish guy and an Italian guy sign up for the police academy. The Jewish guy goes in first
and the Captain says to him, "We have to ask you one question
before we admit you in to the academy, Who killed Jesus?"
The Jewish guy says "The Romans did it."
The Captain says, "Right, you're admitted."
The Italian guy goes in next. The Captain asks him the same
thing. "We have to ask you one question first before you're
admitted to the Police Academy. Who killed Jesus?"
The Italian guy says "The Romans did it."
The Captain says, "Right, you're admitted."
The Polish guy goes in and the Captain repeats the question.
The Polish guy says "Gee, I don't know." The Captain tells
him to go home and think about it for a week and come back
and tell him.
The Polish guy goes home and his wife asked him how his
first day went at the academy, and he says to her, "You won't
believe it! My first day on the job and they assigned me to
a murder case!"