Jokes of the day for Saturday, 01 February 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 01 February 2014
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Really funny jokes-Simple exercises for Keyboard jockeys

Some tips for people who hate to exercise.

For those keyboard jockeys (those with jobs that require sitting at a computer all day) who don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week is best.

Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks.
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
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Rating: 3.7/10 (3)

Did you hear about the farmer ...

Did you hear about the farmer who wanted to buy a thousand hens, but didn't have the money...so...He put them on a layaway plan!
#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
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Funny video of the day - Car Parking Master ... by Accident

Car Parking Master ... by Accident - Russian girl accidentally shows off her parallel parking skills by drifiting her Opel Corsa across the Garden Ring avenue in Moscow, Russia. - link to page video is posted initially.
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Your dog bite?

There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch.

"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" the tourist asked.

The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."

As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the tourist flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

The old man muttered, "Ain't my dog."

#joke
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Rating: 6.9/10 (7)

You Might Be A Redneck If 03


You might be a redneck if...
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.
Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.
There is a wasp nest in your living room.
The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.
You burn your front yard rather than mow it.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
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Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

Bar Chatup

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

To which she responds by yelling, at the

top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.

She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.

You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his

lungs, "What do you mean $200!!!"

#joke
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Cross the Road... Redneck

Q: Why did the redneck cross the road?

A: He wanted to sleep in the ditch on the other side.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
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Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

MAGIC SQUARE: Calculate A*B-C

The aim is to place the some numbers from the list (6, 7, 8, 24, 25, 26, 64, 65, 66) into the empty squares and squares marked with A, B an C. Sum of each row and column should be equal. All the numbers of the magic square must be different. Find values for A, B, and C. Solution is A*B-C.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

“Why do people study ...

“Why do people study gravity? It's a pretty attractive field.”

#joke #short
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The original title for Star Wa...

The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 November 2011
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Rating: 3.1/10 (36)

God is Watching

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching."
At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Moving through the line a boy wrote another note to leave by the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 June 2009
  • Currently 4.60/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (15)

T.J. Miller: Holding a Baby

This woman wouldnt let me hold her baby the other day because she said I was too drunk. First of all, dont bring your baby into the bar. And second of all, if Im drinking malt liquor on a playground, I call that a bar.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 01 February 2012
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Rating: 3.1/10 (44)

One Line Zingers


  • If Cain and Able were Siamese twins, would they be Cable?

  • Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

  • The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.

  • "I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.”

  • Warning notice at a seminary swimming pool: “First-year students are only allowed to walk on the shallow end.”

  • "If absence makes the heart grow fonder,” said a minister, “a lot of folks must love our church.”

  • This joke was reprinted from "Laugh Yourself Healthy" by Charles and Frances Hunter, with permission of Strang Communications. Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 February 2009
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Rating: 4.5/10 (31)

Eliot Chang: Politically Correct Friend

He actually said this to me; hes like, Hey man, you got to be careful. Theres a lot of women that have an Asian fetish. Well, what do you mean? Theyll have sex with you just cause youre Asian. Arent you offended? Uh, Ill be offended after my orgasm.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 February 2011
  • Currently 3.19/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (31)

Who Should Make the Coffee?

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here so you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides it says in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that! Show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says, "HEBREWS."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 February 2010
  • Currently 5.76/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (29)

A Collection Of Insults


You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us.
You are master in your own house -- the doghouse!
When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.
Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't.
People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears.
Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 01 February 2011
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