Jokes of the day for Thursday, 13 February 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 13 February 2014
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (37)

“Some cardinals got t...

“Some cardinals got their feathers ruffled when the pope gave away the church's nest egg to the poor.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (6)

Stop That

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.
Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.
Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!"

Woman Leans on the Bar
The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"

Joke of the Day, posted everyday on getfrank.co.nz - Click to see the past weeks worth right here...

#joke
Joke | Source: Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 5.78/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (9)

Funny video of the day - Star Wars Winter Olympics Mashup

Star Wars Winter Olympics Mashup - Star Wars meet the Winter Olympics thanks to the graphics department of a Danish TV show, Natholdet, who mashed up some skiing footage. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

Look good!

Robert was shaving his beard when he finds his wife Laila walk into the bathroom and she starts shaving below her waist.

Robert says, "Appraisal meeting with top boss today for promotion. Need to look nice and clean."

Laila says from the other end of the bathroom, "Same here."
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.56/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (9)

Google Ads

Marylou...

A husband was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of the head with a huge frying pan.

"What the heck was that for!" he asked.

She replies, "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it..."

"Oh, dear, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Well, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I placed a bet on."

The explanation seems to appease her, and she leaves the room to go about her business.

Three days later, the man is again sitting in his chair reading the morning paper. His wife abruptly hangs up the telephone and then whacks him on the back of the head with the huge frying pan.

"What the heck did I do wrong this time!" he asked.

She answered, "Your horse just called!"

#joke
Joke | Source: http://www.pacprod.com/ - Pacific products joke of the day
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Nice legs grandpa!

Nice legs grandpa! - Wait a minute ... these are not your legs? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.27/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (11)

A Collection Of Insults


A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.


Had a head crash.
Half a bubble off plumb. -- attributed to Mark Twain
Happiness is seeing her picture on a milk carton.
Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse.
Hard to tell if he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace is missing from his deck altogether.
Has a bus fault problem.
Has a few wait states.
Has a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold them together.
Has a leak in his ceiling.
Has a one-way ticket on the Disoriented Express.
Has a pulse, but that's about all.
Has a random memory fault.
Has a slow clock.
Has a sparse matrix. (Beware, "matrix" comes from the Latin "womb".)
Has a two-bit operating system.

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 5.20/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (5)

Playing Solitaire

A blonde got a deck of playing cards as a gift but she

couldn't find anyone to play solitaire with.

Joke | Source: The Bartender's guide - Jokes, Drinks, and Poker
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (16)

Find number abc

If 662c4 + caabb = 7b6ca find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Army Nurse

Q: Did you hear about the army nurse who went to bed eating popcorn?

A: She woke up with a kernel between her legs.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (5)

The products which we offer are handcrafted items made of natural materials such as finest quality wool from the Sharr Mountains, silk, cotton and lace. It is all blended with natural soap....and...creativity. Here are some beautiful and unique fashion accessories.

Chuck Norris puts the laughter...

Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 16 July 2011
  • Currently 3.07/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (14)

How Many Witches. . .

Q: How many witches does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Into what?

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 26 August 2009
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (14)

Burglar and an Elderly Woman

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 13 February 2009
  • Currently 4.79/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (38)

A police officer was investiga...

A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on.

One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!"

After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not?

In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --- if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 13 February 2010
  • Currently 5.53/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (19)

Several cannibals were recentl...

Several cannibals were recently hired by Talk America.

"You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised to be good. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat the secretary!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 February 2011
  • Currently 6.38/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (16)

Afternoon Quickie

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.

To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 13 February 2013
  • Currently 5.70/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (10)

Horse for sale...

There was a preacher that was trying to sell his horse. A potential buyer came to the church for a test ride.

"Before you start" the preacher said,"you should know that this horse only responds to church talk. Go is praise the lord and stop is amen."

So the man on the horse says " Praise the lord," and the horse starts to trot. The man again says "Praise the lord," and the horse starts to gallop.

Suddenly there is a cliff right in front of the horse and the man yells "Amen!!!" The horse stops just at the edge of the cliff.

The man wipes the sweat from his brow and says "Praise the Lord."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 13 February 2011
  • Currently 6.11/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (9)

PREVIOUS DAY
NEXT DAY

Jokes of the day

Daily updated jokes. New jokes every day.
Google Ads
Follow jokes of the day on social networks
NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.

Jokes partners

  • Free GPS tracking service for mobile devices that allows you to track any cell phone with built-in GPS (or with Bluetooth GPS receiver) in real time - partner of the jokes of the day
  • Daily Brain Teasers - daily collection of brain teasers

Jokes Archive