Jokes of the day for Friday, 14 February 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 14 February 2014
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (91)

“What do you call a m...

“What do you call a musician who steals sheet music? A clef-to maniac.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.88/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (8)

Short funny jokes-Kiss goodbye

There was this Swede whose name was Swenson. Swenson took his fat wife everywhere he went. You know why? That's because he wouldn't have to kiss her goodbye.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.20/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (5)

Funny video of the day - A Pedicure in Thailand

A Pedicure in Thailand - Fish Feet - interesting way of getting Pedicure - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (10)

A guy walks into a bar and ord...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whisky. He gulps it down and peeks into his shirt pocket. He orders another shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into his short pocket. He orders a third shot and does the same thing. After the sixth shot, he asks the bartender for the bill, pays and starts to walk out.
Curiosity gets the better of the bartender and he says to the guy, "Excuse me, but I noticed that every time you drank a shot, you kept looking into your pocket. I was wondering what's in your pocket."
The guy slurs, "Well, I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I keep drinking until she starts to look good."
#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.29/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (7)

How to get rich...

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,

"Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.

I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.

The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37.

Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."

#joke
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Funny Photo of the day - Meanwhile In Italy ... Pizza Maker

Meanwhile In Italy ... Pizza Maker - How big this pizza is going to be? | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.44/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (9)

Ballpen in space

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

xxx


The Russians used a pencil.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 07 July 2013
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (12)

Someone Really Stinks


A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, "Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?"
Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?"
The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make."
And she says, "So have I, love."
To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 04 July 2011
  • Currently 4.71/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (41)

Determine the value of the number ABCDE

Determine the value of the number ABCDE
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

The original draft of The Lord...

The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron into oblivion halfway through the first chapter.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 26 June 2011
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (15)

Procrastination

My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Just wait."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 February 2009
  • Currently 5.77/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (22)

Laura Kightlinger: Holidays for the Lonely

It goes: Christmas, New Years Eve and Valentines Day. Is that fair to anyone whos alone? Those are all days when you gotta be with someone. And if you didnt get around to killing yourself at Christmas or New Years -- boom! theres Valentines Day for you. I think there should be just one more holiday after Valentines Day, just for the stragglers -- and it should be called, Who Could Love You?
#joke #christmas #newyear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 February 2012
  • Currently 4.09/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (22)

University Courses For Men And Women


Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue


Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. Resistance to Beer
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4:00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don't Wash My Silks")
9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give Flowers
15. Garbage - Getting It To The Curb
16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please
17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat
18. Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies
19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost
20. The Remote Control - Overcoming Your Dependency
21. Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes
22. Mother-in-Laws Are People Too
23. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous
24. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
25. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver
26. Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home
27. Attainable Goal - Omitting Foul Expletives From Vocabulary
28. You Don't Really Need That Porsche

Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Women Fall Catalogue


Once again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting The Impulse To Nag
2. You Can Change The Oil Too
4. How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
5. We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas
6. Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
7. How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
8. Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
9. How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
10. How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
11. Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
12. Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right
13. Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
14. You, The Whining Sex
15. Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
16. If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
17. How To Close The Garage Door
18. If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation
19. How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
20. Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank
21. Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
22. How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
23. Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
24. Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
25. How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
26. You Too Can Carry A Backpack
27. Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
28. Learning To Appreciate The Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men
29. Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
30. How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste

#joke #christmas #beer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 14 February 2010
  • Currently 6.14/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (21)

Blonde Sayings

I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."
Alicia Silverstone
"Once someone asked me three words that best describe me and I said 'Loud, Louder, and Loudest.'"
Anastacia
"I am beautiful, famous and gorgeous. I could have any man in the world."
Anna Kournikova
"He wanted to make me happy. My wish was his command."
Anna Nicole Smith
"Doesn't that hurt?" (on suicide bombers)
Anna Nicole Smith
"I'm not crazy, but it's a crazy life. I was raised in a crazy family and it took 31 years to get the crazy out of me."
Anne Heche
"What's so beautiful about breasts is their uniqueness. I don't understand the obsession with fakeness. It's a very odd thing, isn't it, to prefer fake and big to small and unique or just beautiful and real."
Anne Heche
"I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else."
Britney Spears
"I don't believe in sex before marriage. I go out with boys, and we kiss, but that's it."
Britney Spears
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
Britney Spears
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 February 2011
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (17)

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