Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 18 February 2014
  • Currently 9.55/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (89)

“To add to the punish...

“To add to the punishment, Satan made all the tormented souls listen to elevator music. The Hells Are Alive With the Sounds of Muzak.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (6)

Black Powder

A guy enters a bank to see about getting a business loan.
"What kind of business do you want to start?" asks the bank manager.
"I have some black powder. You sprinkle it on a women's vagina and it makes it taste like a peach."
"I don't think we can give you a loan." he replied.
So the guy left. A few months later he went into the bank with a wheel barrel filled with money.
The same bank manager said, "Congratulations, I guess that idea for black powder really paid off."
"Nah, that didn't go anywhere. I made my money with this white powder."
"Really," replied the bank manager. "What does it do?"

Peaches


"Give me a peach and I'll show you."

#joke
  • Currently 5.63/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Goat fun

Goat fun - A family of goats having fun playing on flexible sheet of steel, somewhere in France. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 6.60/10

Rating: 6.6/10 (10)

Really funny jokes-Laws of Auto Racing

Laws of Auto Racing

10) The number of times you get hit in a pileup is directly proportional to the number of times you said "I think it will go ok today".

9) You only get the lead when you need fuel.

8) If a tire can go on the wrong side, it will.

7) A part will never break during a test session, only during a race.

6) The driver behind you is always the one you punted last week.

5) The part you left at the shop is the one you need.

4) The number of laps remaining is always one more than the amount of fuel left in the car.

3) Your good car will get wrecked, your bad car will finish the race, two laps down.

2) The concrete wall is harder at the tracks you wreck at.

1) A 10-car pileup will never happen behind you!
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 3.20/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (5)

What does a blonde have in common with a noodle?

Q: What does a blonde have in common with a noodle?

A: They both wiggle when you eat them.

#joke #short #blonde
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (15)

Funny Photo of the day - Michonne from the Walking Dead

Michonne from the Walking Dead - Dog edition | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 4.89/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (9)

Musicians and Lightbulbs

Q: How many musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, two, one, two, three, four!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Before...

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."

The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"

Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."

Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"

Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."

"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"

Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 06 February 2013
  • Currently 5.36/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (11)

Calculate the number 5117

NUMBERMANIA: Calculate the number 5117 using numbers [8, 3, 2, 2, 35, 928] and basic arithmetic operations (+, -, *, /). Each of the numbers can be used only once.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Contrary to popular belief, Am...

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 May 2011
  • Currently 2.25/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (44)

Lawyers Arrive In Japan


Source: Sunday Daily Breeze
Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan's well-oiled economic machine. It's only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail.
What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it's something much more economically debilitating - and permanent.
Three American lawyers have become the first foreign attorneys permitted to practice law in Japan. What's more, two of them are from New York!
The decline has begun.
Japan has one attorney for every 10,000 residents, compared to the U.S. ratio of one attorney for every 390 residents. For every 100 attorneys trained in Japan, there are 1,000 engineers. In the United States, that ratio is reversed.
But a law that became effective on April 1 permits foreigners to practice in Japan for the first time since 1955. Already, an additional 20 American and six British lawyers have applied for permission to open practices in Japan.
If anything can slow the Japanese economy, it's the presence of American attorneys. What better way to even our balance of trade than to send Japan our costliest surplus commodity?

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 November 2010
  • Currently 5.15/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (13)

Lost Rooster

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?" - all the men stood up.
"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" - all the women stood up.
"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." - half the women stood up.

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" - all the nuns stood up.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 18 February 2013
  • Currently 7.62/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (42)

A man walking down the street ...

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 February 2011
  • Currently 7.17/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (35)

Brian Regan: One Eye Set Higher

My eye doctor told me this, Im not making this up. He goes, You know you have one eye set a little bit higher than your other eye? No, I didnt know that. He goes, Its no big deal; it doesnt affect your vision or anything. I just thought you might want to be self-conscious for the rest of your life.
#joke #short #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 February 2012
  • Currently 4.78/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (23)

The Last One's Law Of Program ...

The Last One's Law Of Program Generators: A program generator creates programs that are more "buggy" than the program generator.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 18 February 2009
  • Currently 3.90/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (21)

Ever Slept with an U

One guy asks the other, "Hey, have you ever gone to bed with an ugly woman?"

The second guy says, "No, but I've woken up with plenty."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 February 2010
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (12)

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