Jokes of the day for Monday, 28 April 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 28 April 2014
  • Currently 9.49/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (63)

“An heir is someone w...

“An heir is someone with a descent wage.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (3)

Foreman

One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened.
“You know what a foreman is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and watches the other men work?”
“What's that got to do with it?” he asked.
“Well, he just got jealous of me,” Uncle Joe explained. “Everyone thought I was the foreman.”

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.75/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Best Fails of the Month April 2014

Best Fails of the Month April 2014 - Compilation featuring the best fails from the month of April. - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.50/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (4)

Short funny jokes-Tossing

As Katy walked on the sideway, she tossed a bunch of keys up into the air and caught them as they came down. She did it again and again, but after a few tosses, she could not catch the keys and they fell into the gutter next to the sidewalk.
People who witnessed this felt bad for her until she cried, "Oh no! Not again!"
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 4.33/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (3)

Recently on a routine police p...

Recently on a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood bar the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different
vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was
there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove
off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry
night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn, and then
switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed
a little, and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up
his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over
and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer
indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the
Police Station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.43/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - How to dry your hair in energy efficient way

How to dry your hair in energy efficient way - Just leave it with rest of laundry | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Half-fare rate for...wives?

Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips.

Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Purchasing The Shoes


A shoeseller meets a mathematician and complains that he does not know what size shoes to buy. "No problem," says the mathematician, "there is a simple equation for that," and he shows him the Gaussian normal distribution. The shoeseller stares some time at het equation and asks, "What is that symbol?" "That is the Greek letter pi." "What is pi?" "That is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle." Upon this the shoeseller cries out: "What does a circle have to do with shoes?!"

#joke
Joke | Source: Joke of the Day - Jokes served hot and fresh daily.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

Find number abc

If cc722 - aab7c = 33143 find number abc. Multiple solutions may exist.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Piercing a Pirate

Q: How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?

A: A buck an ear.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (3)

All of my business

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love making encounter. In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years,

him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.

Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state.

Over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin

caused by corporate down-sizing and it's effects on a 50 years old

executive.

Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interst for 30

years totalling nearly $1 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot, she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockholder in the bank.

She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex, and this was the result of her investments.

By now he was distraught and beating his head against the side of the car.

She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied, "If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all of my business!"

Submitted by Phil

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 06 March 2014
  • Currently 5.29/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (7)

In an average living room ther...

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 12 August 2011
  • Currently 3.40/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (5)

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker

I'm pretty sure God prefers spiritual fruits to religious nuts.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 01 October 2009
  • Currently 5.25/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (8)

How do you tell a kebab to be ...

How do you tell a kebab to be quiet?
Shh, kebab
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 28 April 2010
  • Currently 5.91/10

Rating: 5.9/10 (44)

Demetri Martin: How to Be a Bouncer

How to be a bouncer: 1) be an a**hole; 2) stand near a door.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 28 April 2012
  • Currently 3.82/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (39)

Irish Tradition

Patrick walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the corner of the room, drinking a sip out of each pint in turn. When he had finished all three, he went back to the bar and ordered three more.

The barman says, “You know a pint goes flat soon after I pull it . Your pints would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

Patrick replies, “Well now, I have two brodders, one is in America and de odder in Australia and here I am in Dublin . When we all left home, we promised dat we'd drink dis way to remember de days we all drank togedder.”

The barman admits that this is a nice custom and says no more.

Patrick becomes a regular customer and always drinks the same way … ordering three pints and drinking a sip out of each in turn, until they are finished. One day, he comes in and orders just two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he goes back to the bar for the second round, the barman says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." Patrick looks confused for a moment, then the penny drops and he starts to laugh, “Oh no,” he says,

Bejesus, everyone is fine! Tis me … I've quit drinking!”

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 April 2013
  • Currently 7.63/10

Rating: 7.6/10 (27)

Big Mouth!

A Jewish gentleman stood before a delicatessen display counter and pointed to a tray. "I'll have a pound of that salmon," he said.
"That's not salmon," the clerk said. "It's ham."
"Mister," the customer snapped, "in case nobody ever told you, you got a big mouth!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 April 2009
  • Currently 5.41/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (27)

"TGIF" for

Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shirt? It stands for, "Tits Go In Front."

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 28 April 2013
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (14)

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