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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 01 May 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 01 May 2014
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (70)

“When the pharmacist ...

“When the pharmacist found out her husband was having an affair it was a hard pill to swallow.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Comedy of errors

Bob was sharing an interesting story with his friends over drinks. "This is what I call a comedy of errors. Last night while I was partying with you guys at the pub, a burglar broke into my house."
One of the friends asked, "So did he take anything?"
Bob said, "He got more than he asked for. He got broken ribs and couple of teeth knocked out! My wife thought that was me coming home drunk.”
#joke
Joke | Source: Really Funny Jokes - Really Funny jokes, adult jokes, Good jokes, short funny jokes, teacher jokes, affair jokes, kids jokes, doctor jokes, funny pictures
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (2)

It changed the meaning...

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"

"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I, I couldn't spell 'convenience,' so I made it 'risk.'"

#joke
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

Yo mama soo POOR!

Yo mama so POOR I saw her crying by the 25 cent machine, and asked her what's wrong. She said, 'The machine won't take my food stamps!'

#joke #short #yomama
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

Time Flies

Q: Why did the kid throw the clock out the window?

A: He wanted to see time fly.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

Whale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
Whale Breach

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 August 2012
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (2)

FLEX WORDLE

FLEX WORDLE Guess the WORDLE in 3 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
Source: Genius Brain Teasers - Jokes Of The Day Partner

Chuck Norris was in the amazon...

Chuck Norris was in the amazon one day when he was bit by a vicious snake. After 3 days of pain and suffering... the snake died.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 11 December 2011
  • Currently 3.00/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (19)

Three Vampires Go To A Bar

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood."
The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma."
The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 06 August 2011
  • Currently 5.69/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (35)

A man walks into a bar and he'...

A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink
and asks what the problem is. All he says is, "all lawyers are a*******."
A man sitting in the corner shouts, "I take offense to that!"
The pissed-off guy asks him, "why? Are you a lawyer?"
He replies, "no, Iam
#joke #lawyer #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 May 2010
  • Currently 3.14/10

Rating: 3.1/10 (76)

St. George and the Dragon

A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answered the door.
The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to eat?”
"No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his face.
He knocked again and said, “Could I have a few words with George?”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 May 2010
  • Currently 6.34/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (61)

A champion jockey is about to ...

A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer meets him before the race and says, "All you have to remember with this horse is that every time you approach a jump, you have to shout, 'ALLLLEEE OOOP!' really loudly in the horse's ear. Providing you do that, you'll be fine."

The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. The race begins and they approach the first hurdle. The jockey ignores the trainer's ridiculous advice and the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

They carry on and approach the second hurdle. The jockey, somewhat embarrassed, whispers 'Aleeee ooop' in the horse's ear. The same thing happens--the horse crashes straight through the center of the jump.

At the third hurdle, the jockey thinks, "It's no good, I'll have to do it," and yells, "ALLLEEE OOOP!" really loudly. Sure enough, the horse sails over the jump with no problems. This continues for the rest of the race, but due to the earlier problems the horse only finishes third.

The trainer is fuming and asks the jockey what went wrong. The jockey replies, "Nothing is wrong with me--it's this bloody horse. What is he--deaf or something?"

The trainer replies, "Deaf?? DEAF?? He's not deaf--he's BLIND!"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 May 2010
  • Currently 7.11/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (44)

Chelsea Handler: Not Excited About Alcoholism

Theres a good chance I may be an alcoholic. You think guys would be a little more excited about that. All they do is bitch and moan. You drink too much. You sleep too much. Its like, if you were drunk all the time, youd be tired, too.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 01 May 2010
  • Currently 5.24/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (41)

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