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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 29 May 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 29 May 2014

Holding It In

Q: What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?

A: A private tooter.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 2.86/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (7)

Yo momma so stupid it took her...

Yo momma so stupid it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (6)

SLIDESHOW #107 - Funny Photo Slideshow

“I got a job with a c...

“I got a job with a company that manufactures trampolines. Now I'll have something to fall back on.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Electrocuted Dog

Electrocuted Dog - Electrocuted Dog - Throwback Thursday - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 4.67/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (6)

Women with duck

Women goes into a bar with a duck under her arm.

Bartenders says "what'll the pig have."

The woman says, "that's not a pig, that's a duck!".

I know says the bartender, "I was talking to the duck."

#joke #short
  • Currently 3.71/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Ninja Turtles

Ninja Turtles - Ninja Turtles | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 5.83/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (6)

Why White?

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 October 2012
  • Currently 7.06/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (52)

The greatest boss....

Our parish priest was making a visit to my nephew's home. He knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door and way the priest. He called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 13 June 2011
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (10)

Lost at Sea?

Yossi and Janine, an elderly Jewish couple, are sitting together on an aeroplane flying to the Far East. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down in a few minutes time. The good news is that I can see an island below us that should be able to accommodate our landing. The bad news is that this island appears to be uncharted - I am unable to find it on our maps. So the odds are that we will never be rescued and will have to live on the island for a very long time, if not for the rest of our lives."Yossi turns to Janine and asks, "Janine, dear, did we turn off the oven?" and Janine replies, "Of course."
"Janine, are our life insurance policies paid up?"
"Of course."
"Janine, did we pay our pledge for the synagogue appeal?"
"Oh my God, I forgot to send off the cheque."
"Thank Heaven! They'll find us for sure!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 03 August 2009
  • Currently 6.37/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (43)

An explorer walked into a clea...

An explorer walked into a clearing and was surprised to see a pigmy standing beside a huge dead elephant. "Did you kill that?" he asked. The pigmy answered: "Yes". "How could a little bloke like you kill something as huge as that?"
"I killed it with my club" replied the pigmy.
"That's amazing," said the explorer. "How big's your club?"
The pigmy replied: "There's about 150 of us"
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 29 May 2010
  • Currently 7.04/10

Rating: 7.0/10 (49)

John Caparulo: Yard Sales on Memorial Day

Every year back in Ohio, we would have yard sales on Memorial Day weekend, so its like Mardi Gras for white trash.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 29 May 2012
  • Currently 3.87/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (47)

Dan Cummins: Pizza Sale

I saw a grown man once riding one of those weird standup scooters down the side of the road -- you have to tilt to make it move forward, I think its called a Segway or a Douchebag Way -- wearing a toga and holding a sign for a pizza sale. My first thought was, Congrats, youve hit rock bottom. But my second thought was, If you took away just the sign, then that guy would rule.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 29 May 2010
  • Currently 3.36/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (45)

A Jewish Landing

As the plane settled down at Ben Gurion airport, the voice of the Captain came on:
"Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seat belt signs have been turned off.""To those of you standing in the aisles, we wish you a Happy Hanukkah."
"To those who have remained in their seats, we wish you a Merry Christmas."

#joke #christmas
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 29 May 2009
  • Currently 4.93/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (41)

I think...

There are three girls at a bar, a red head, a brunette, and a blonde.

They have a seat at the bar. The bar tender says, "If you go into the bathroom there is a mirror. Look into the mirror and tell anything in your life that you believe is true. If you are telling the truth then "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out, if you lie then "POOF" you'll disappear."

So the red head goes in first and stares deeply into the mirror and proclaims, "I think that i am the most beautiful woman in the world!", "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.

Then the brunette goes in. "I think that i am the smartest woman in the world," "POOF" a hundred dollars pops out.

Now it's the blonde's turn. She slowly walks into the bathroom with her hands over her eyes and peeks between her fingers at the mirror. She waits... nothing happens... she is glad. She stands bravely and states, "I think... "POOF " she disappears.

Submitted by Curtis

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 May 2011
  • Currently 5.97/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (36)

The Pickle

There was a guy on the beach with about 25 gorgeous chicks swarming all around him.
Seeing this, a second guy strolls on up to him and asks, "What's your secret?"
The guy whispers, "All you gotta do is stick a pickle in your pants."
In a fluorish, the second guy runs off and stuffs a pickle in his pants. But when he returns to the shore, he soon discovers that every single girl that looks his way, runs off screaming in bloody terror. Confused, he hurries over to the first guyand desperately asks, "Why are all the girls running away from me?"
The first guy looks up and replies, "The pickle's on the wrong side."   

#joke
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

I wasn't originally...

“I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.”

#joke #short
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

A little hard of hearing!

A 92 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few days later the Dr. saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"

The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful."

The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."

#joke #doctor
  • Currently 8.83/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (12)

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