Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 10 June 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 10 June 2014
  • Currently 9.59/10

Rating: 9.6/10 (71)

Redhead: "You ever smelled mot...

Redhead: "You ever smelled moth balls?"
Blonde: "Yes, I think they smell good."
Redhead: "Wow, I can't believe you got your nose between those tiny legs."
#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.50/10

Rating: 4.5/10 (10)

“People might think I...

“People might think I'm a bit of a square, but that just means I'm exactly right on every angle.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 6.75/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (8)

Funny video of the day - Cat massages dog compilation

Cat massages dog compilation - No dog here hates cats! - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.11/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (9)

Great Toast

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, John, what was your toast?" John Said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John," Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".

#joke #beer
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 6.25/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (4)

A preacher was standing at the...

A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him. The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT. Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said: I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the first time I will see a man sign his name and forget to write the letters.
#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.50/10

Rating: 6.5/10 (4)

Funny Photo of the day - Perfect transportation for the rainy weather

Perfect transportation for the rainy weather - I guess umbrella on bicycle wouldn't help much | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 6.67/10

Rating: 6.7/10 (6)

The golf ball...

These two guys were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball?"

He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "You can't lose it."

His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!"

The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it."

Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?!"

The man replies, "I found it."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Italian Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas,

Da whole house was mella,

Not a creature was stirrin',

Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When up on da roof

I heard somethin' pound,

I sprung to da window,

To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my

Wanderin' eyes should appear,

But da Don of all elfs,

And eight friggin' reindeer!

Wit' slicked back black hair,

And a silk red suit,

don Christopher wuz here,

And he brought da loot!

Wit' a slap to dare snouts,

And a yank on dare manes,

He cursed and he shouted,

And he called dem by name.

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,

Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,

Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,

Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun

And hid by da bed,

He flew troo da winda

And slapped me 'side da head.

"What da heck you doin'

Pullin' a gun on da Don?

Now all you're gettin' is coal,

You friggin' moron!"

Den pointin' a fat finga

Right unda my nose,

He twisted his pinky ring,

And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,

Obscenities screamin',

Away dey all flew,

Before he troo dem a beatin'.

Den I heard him yell out,

What I did least expect,

"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,

And yous better show some respect!"

#joke #christmas
Joke | Source: Jokes of the day - Taken from Bartender's guide to Jokes, Drinks, and Poker - once good site, no longer active.
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (3)

Guess the Game Name

Look carefully the picture and guess the game name.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Graveyard Salon

Q: What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard?

A: "Curl Up and Dye."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 3.33/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (3)

New Miranda Rights


1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
6. Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!!!

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 September 2009
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Nick Kroll: Same Perfume

My mother and my girlfriend are wearing the same perfume, which is weird because, all of a sudden, Im attracted to my girlfriend.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 June 2011
  • Currently 4.72/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (65)

Reaching the end of a job inte...

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 10 June 2013
  • Currently 5.16/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (37)

Chuck Norris can slam a revolv...

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 10 June 2011
  • Currently 2.85/10

Rating: 2.9/10 (27)

Business one-liners 74

If you want to get along, go along.

If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.

If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I'm so depressed.

Illegitimus non Carborundem: "Don't let the scum bags grind you down"

In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his mouth shut when he's right.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 10 June 2012
  • Currently 4.05/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (21)

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