Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 11 June 2014
  • Currently 9.73/10

Rating: 9.7/10 (70)

Yo momma so fat she wakes up o...

Yo momma so fat she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Laugh Factory Network - Watch our huge library of the best stand-up comedy videos, get information on our stand-up comedians, read our joke of the day
  • Currently 4.00/10

Rating: 4.0/10 (5)

“Earl Grey was away o...

“Earl Grey was away on business during the election. So he cast an absent-tea ballot.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun of the Day - Funny puns and jokes - the largest collection of humorous puns on the internet. New pun added daily.
  • Currently 5.75/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (4)

Funny video of the day - Feminist girl with heels fails

Feminist girl with heels fails - Girl Fail of - Feminist activist trying to Keeping It Real - link to page video is posted initially.
  • Currently 7.75/10

Rating: 7.8/10 (4)

Wet Smokers

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom.
Lady 1: Where'd you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, the first lady hobbled into the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a package of condoms.
The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, in her 80s), but politely asked what brand she preferred.

Smoking Hand

"Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits a Camel."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 4.75/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (4)

A tour bus driver drives with ...

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady Answers, "We just love the chocolate around them."

#joke
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (7)

Funny Photo of the day - Smartphone friendly hairdressing apron

Smartphone friendly hairdressing apron - I want to cut my hair there! | Source : Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (4)

Chicken legs...

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH.

He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him.

He sped up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up.

The man then noticed that the chicken had three legs, so he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm.

The curious man got out of his car and noticed that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?"

The farmer explained, "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm gonna be a millionaire."

"How do they tasted?" asked the man.

"Don't know," replied the farmer, "haven't caught one yet."

#joke
Joke | Source: Jokes - Used to be - Pacific products joke of the day, but site no longer works.
  • Currently 6.00/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (4)

Fish On The Wall

What did the fish say when he hit a wall?

Dam!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Comedy Central: Jokes - Jokes provided daily from Comedy Central's archive.
  • Currently 5.50/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (4)

Chess Knight Move

Find the country and its capital city, using the move of a chess knight. First letter is A. Length of words in solution: 9,8.
CHECK ANSWER
Brain Teasers, puzzles, riddles, mathematical problems, mastermind, cinemania...

Yo momma U-G-L-Y!

You mom is so ugly that when she walked out of a pet store, the alarm went off!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 04 September 2013
  • Currently 3.88/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (8)

New Miranda Rights


1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
6. Good luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!!!

#joke #lawyer
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 14 September 2009
  • Currently 3.50/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (4)

Life is like a box of chocolat...

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 June 2011
  • Currently 4.21/10

Rating: 4.2/10 (28)

A woman meets a gorgeous man i...

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge, enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, 'Well, how was it?'

The man says, 'You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.'
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 June 2011
  • Currently 5.46/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (26)

Shampoo

How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?

Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

#joke #short #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 June 2011
  • Currently 4.90/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (21)

Demetri Martin: Employee of the Month

I think Employee of the Month is a good example of when a person can be a winner and a loser at the same time.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 11 June 2012
  • Currently 3.75/10

Rating: 3.8/10 (20)

Stephen Rannazzisi: Slow Pitch Softball

I joined a softball team, which I thought was a great idea... but the guys on my team are crazy. These guys show up to games -- slow pitch softball games -- with cleats, stirrups, the Barry Bonds arm guards on, the black crap under their eyes. Im like, Fellas, the ball is this big. If you cant see it, you probably shouldnt have driven to the game today.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 11 June 2011
  • Currently 4.64/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (14)

Jokes Archive

NOTE: All jokes on this web site are property of the sites they are collected from. Web site Jokes of the day is not responsible for content of jokes. We are not trying to offend, just looking for a good laugh!! If you are offended by any of the jokes, please complain to the site jokes are coming from.
This site uses cookies to store information on your computer. Some are essential to help the site properly. Others give us insight into how the site is used and help us to optimize the user experience. See our privacy policy.